Life certainly is a curious thing. In fact, I'm sure we've all realized this at some point or another. I have been an avid writer since the age of about 12. The other day, I began to read one of my old journals. It was from the fall of my senior year of high school. Such a long time ago. I began to laugh at my 18 year old self, remembering just what it was like to be in that girls shoes. But as I began reading more, I realized so much about that girl that I hadn't ever before. There were things in her life that were silly of course. It was high school afterall. But I began to marvel at this girl who had a heart to figure out what God had for her, what life held for her. I was amazed at how easily she was able to trust. How easily she laughed. She knew some of what life was about. Some difficulties about it had already come upon her. But more than anything, I saw this beautiful, innocent soul that hadn't yet been touched by all that life would throw at her. I began to envy that girl. To be fair, she was about as close to figuring out some things as I am today. But I missed that feeling of trust. I missed the innocence of living in a buble. And I realized just how much i've grown and changed in the years since high school. I realized how much life I had experienced.
Life certainly is a curious thing. Even though we all know that it won't turn out the way we think it will, we still choose to believe that it might. Never would I have imagined being where I am today when I was that girl in her senior year of high school. I never thought I would have to watch the people I love dearly live through things that are nearly unbearable. Having to live nearly unbearable things myself. My heart breaking a thousand times over because it seemed that the impossibilities of life couldn't be beat. If there's one thing i've learned from life...it's that you simply can't know what happens. It's constantly throwing unexpected things your way. I look and I realize that some of those things are incredible. But I also look and I realize that pain is an inevitable part of this existance. I look back at the time not all too long ago when I lived in a world that was safe. It wasn't without life's hardships, but they were just different. Somehow, becoming an adult means you have to deal with it. No one can deal with it for you. You have to learn to face things head on, knowing that it very well could nearly destroy you.
Life certainly is a curious thing. As i've become an adult, i've realized more and more why dependence on my Savior is so vital. I loved him so blindly when I was younger. Not that there's anything wrong with that. Some days I long for that carefree easy love I used to have with him. But...I can't help but be grateful knowing that I love him now because I realize more now than I ever did then just what his love and sacrifice is about. Well, I don't understand it completly, i'm not sure I ever will...but I realize it more. Because as I grow more, I realize what sacrifice is. I understand what it means to sacrifice more than I ever have before. And the most curious thing, is that I believe as I grow more and more, I will only have to sacrifice more and more. But instead of that making feel hopeless, it fills me with more hope than I could ever imagine.
Life certainly is a curious thing. Dwelling on the past does nothing for our today, nothing for our future. As i've grown, I realize that more and more. I've also realized that there is no way I could do this crazy thing called life if I didn't have my Savior right there with me every step of the way. Because it's true...life is far from easy. In fact, it only keeps getting more difficult. But with those difficulties comes more joy. With each trial comes the ablility to connect with someone who has gone, is going, or will go through the exact same thing. When I was younger, I used to question hardships in my life. I believe I was under this illusion that because I loved Jesus, harm would no longer touch me. If I reached a certain point, I believed everything would be easy from that point on. But the more life throws at me, I now welcome it. Yes, we all wish pain wasn't part of our life...but pain won't be someday. For now, I think that the hard things in life come because when you live your life for Jesus Christ, the fallen world longs to bring you down. But I think the thing i've learned the most in my time here on earth, is that I serve the one who has already overcome. He has overcome. When I remind myself of that, hold onto that, I know that nothing can really touch me. There is so much that is uncertain. There is so much that can and will happen...but my Savior has overcome! Because of that I KNOW I can overcome too, because it's already been defeated.
Life certainly is a curious thing. It twists and turns and is nothing but uncertain. But certainty can be found in one thing alone. God sent his son. He died for mankind. He overcame the grave. He overcame hardship. He overcame sin. And he is the only one that is there through every step of every moment.
