Unless you've been living under a rock for the past month, it is likely that you have heard of the phenomenon that is "13 reasons why." Originally a young adult novel, this story was adapted into a Netflix original series, consisting of 13 episodes to tell the heartbreaking story of a girl named Hannah Baker who commits suicide. I know. That's a heavy subject for teens. That's a heavy subject for anyone, really. And as I'm sure you've also heard, this series has stirred quite a lot of controversy in it's wake. And the truth is, it's for good reason. As someone who is involved in the lives of teenagers, I decided to write down my honest opinion on the show because, why not? I am not a professional when it comes to any of the subjects presented in this show. My hope is simply that I can give some insight on what has become a hot topic for parents and teens.
I apologize in advance for how long this article could be. I don't mean to bore you, but I also think it's vitally important to touch on several of the issues presented in the show. Like I said before, I had heard of the controversy long before I decided to watch the show. It was only because a friend of mine was watching it, and I made a joke to him about " being so controversial," that it even really got on my radar to watch. He suggested I watch it for myself before taking a side, which I thought was fair. I've come to find as a believer that something is usually controversial for a reason. It's our job as Christians to find the truth in the midst of the controversy, no matter how hard that might be, and point it back to Christ. It's not our job to duck our head and shy away from it. This was my mindset as I began to watch "13 reasons why. "
From the beginning, the show grips you. It's not fair to call it entertaining, because that's simply not the correct word. The directors did a fantastic job on putting together a group of actors that made the show really, REALLY real. And raw. And shocking. And haunting. And I think they did this unapologetically. With every single topic they touched on, they did so with the intent to make it as real as possible. To get you to truly THINK about why they portrayed things the way they did. That's what made it almost harder to watch than a dramatized series. I felt like I was watching a group of kids lives somehow played out on the big screen. If you don't know the basic premise, let me give you a brief overview. From the beginning you know that the character of Hannah Baker commits suicide by slitting her wrists and bleeding out. But before she ended her life, she recorded a series of tapes she intend to be sent around to various people to tell them her reasons why she ended her life. The series centers around a boy named Clay Jensen, someone who cared deeply for Hannah. It's a journey of present day and flashbacks intertwined to give Clay the answers he's seeking. And, I suppose, a way to give some sort of reason to the act of suicide. I know that a lot of parents have been debating whether or not they should let their child watch the show. And actually, there have been a lot of adults wondering if the show is something they should watch. I will say this, if I had a teenager, I don't think I would let them watch it. Though I believe that most of the teens in the world face these issues day in and day out, it was intensely graphic. That being said, that is the very same reason I might let my teen watch it. It's too real and too well done to just dismiss it in spite of the explicit nature. I think the decision should truly be left for the parent to decide. If you don't let your child watch, I encourage you to watch it and have the important, hard conversations you need to. Because not only will other kids be watching, but it is likely your child will be faced with at least some of the things presented in the show. I can neither condemn or condone this show. I can't give a red or green light. It's far too complex for a simple " yes" or "no."
But let's get into the subject matter of "13 reasons." This show dealt with a lot of very hard subjects. The language was atrocious, there was teenage sex, use of pornography, drinking and partying, child abuse, uninvolved parents, homosexuality, bullying, lying, drug use, graphic rape scenes, and ultimately suicide. Following the journey of Hannah and Clay was intense and difficult. You found yourself rooting for Hannah even though you KNEW all along she was dead. I think that's something that could be quite dangerous for kids watching. As an adult I had to remind myself "this girl was so desperate she took her own life. This isn't a story of romance, or friendship, or happiness. She is gone. This is the journey to that moment." I instantly got the "red flag" feeling thinking about the teens I knew, because Hannah is sadly a character that could be very relatable. Not everything done to Hannah was completely terrible. There were some heartbreaking, unimaginable things to be sure. But it was the accumulation of hurt and no outlet for her to share her pain that was scary. It was hard enough for me to separate what I already knew would happen to her, to what I WANTED to happen to her. What I WANTED her to know or feel.
There was a lot of debate as to whether or not the show "romanticized suicide." As stated before, I'm no expert but I don't necessarily think that it was simply suicide was what was romanticized. I think what is far more dangerous is the fact that the character of Clay loved Hannah so deeply, that even after she had taken her life, he fought for her. Fought to defend her and find out her truth, and the real truth. For a struggling teen, it would be easy to think that taking their life might produce both the revenge and the love they may be seeking. Suicide might appeal as a way to receive the validation they've been wanting. On the flip side, there was something poetic and beautiful about the way Clay DID defend Hannah's life and seek out the truth. That he was able to realize and recognize things through her tapes that he otherwise would've been oblivious to in other individuals. As an already compassionate protagonist, his character grew even deeper in the convictions of right and wrong and in turn challenged others around him to do the same.
Another piece of this show that I found extremely important was how uninvolved the parents were in their kids lives. This wasn't your typical teenage drama where parents are just oblivious and aloof and unintelligent. I don't know if it was the intent of the show, but I believe they did a very good job showing how parents NEED to be more involved in their children's lives. Again, I am not a parent so I've never had to deal with the ups and downs of parenting. But let me just say this to you parents, PLEASE GET IN YOUR KIDS BUSINESS!!! Even Clay, the main character kept his parents at arms length when they tried to reach out or get answers as to what was going on in his life. But they gave up trying to find out without a fight. Your child's life is not a T.V. show, and most kids aren't as valiant as Clay. Please ask questions, get answers. Snoop for heavens sake! I know that your kid will be mad about you "invading their privacy," but you have a right to do just that. I remember my mom reading my journal while I was growing up. Sometimes she'd approach me with a subject I'd written about and you better believe I was mad as I'll get out at her. But it also allowed her to talk to me about things I never would've approached her with. It allowed her to be there for me when things were tough. I'm not saying that you should't let your kid live and grow and make their own decisions. But please, be involved. More involved than you maybe think you should be. Most of the parents in "13 reasons" loved their children deeply. Hannah's parents loved her deeply. But they got too distracted by what was going on in their lives to notice things that were wrong in hers.
The next thing I want to talk about is the graphic rape scenes. It sickens me even now knowing they were in there. But sadly, it's something that young women in the world have to face far too often. These scenes were heartbreaking. I cried a lot during them. The reason I want to bring them up is because I think in terms of the show, they were needed. I know this sounds crazy, but far too often, things of that nature are just brushed over. It can become so easy to see rape as a concept, rather than a reality. We have to be aware of the fact that our young people, especially our young men have been increasingly desensitized to what sex is intended to be. Through pornography and the oversexualization of society, the gift of sex, and the gift of a naked female body have become nothing but a simple commodity. From the beginning of the show, Hannah is subjected to ridicule for sexual escapades she didn't even have. The character in the show that rapes not one, but two girls at different times comes to a point where he states " If the way she acted made this rape, then every girl in this school wants to be raped." While the two young women left to deal with the aftermath of what happened to them crumble to pieces unsure of how to move on. It's a sad reality that we have to be more aware of what goes on not just with teens, but people in general. We have to be honest and educate our daughters and sons on God's intent for sex. God's intent for living as brothers and sisters. God's intent for respecting one another.
The last thing I want to touch on is the actual suicide. As I began the last episode of the show, I braced myself knowing what was coming. I suppose I was expecting an overly dramatic portrayal of Hannah's suicide, even though the show had done an excellent job of being anything but overdramatic. So while it was intensely graphic, it was not what you would think. I hate to say that it was simple, but it really was. But that made it even harder and more heartbreaking to watch. It was just so real. On Hannah's last day of life, she had her tape recorder on in her backpack, and she states that she's going to give life one more try. She decides to reach out for help by going to her school councilor. I have mixed feelings about how this interaction went down, because the character of Hannah was clearly desperate, and the councilor tried just a little to reach her. She didn't state that she wanted to kill herself, but clearly allowed him to see things were not good. It was a give and take of him not saying the right thing, yet encouraging her to keep talking that made this extremely difficult. She was already pretty decided when she went into the office, and I don't think he could've done anything to change her mind unless she had really been open about the severity of what was going on. But maybe he could've. I think it's fair to say that he cared in the way he knew how to at that moment. Unfortunately it just wasn't the right way. It's hard not to blame the people in Hannah's life until you stop and remember that ultimately, she chose what she did. Either way, your heart broke as Hannah got home from school, filled the bath tub, got in with clothes still on and took the blades to her wrists. I felt almost immediately that her face showed regret, but quickly turned to resignation. A few minutes later, you hear Hannah's mother outside the bathroom door asking her why in the world the water was still on, telling her to shut it off, it was flooding the floor. My heart instantly dropped as her mother opened the door, realizing what was going on. Again, not overly dramatic, but heart wrenching. As I'm not even parent, I couldn't even imagine that kind of devastation. I cried a lot the whole last episode, but especially during that scene. From the moment Hannah walked into the bathroom I cried out "Oh Lord Jesus, " and sent a prayer through my tears for the Hannah's of this world. For the Mother's and Father's of the Hannah's. The show ended with a call that another student from the school was in critical condition with a gun wound to the head after they'd attempted to kill themself. And I sadly thought how accurate something like that would probably be.
With all of those subjects talked about, let me state some very simple truths. For as hard as it was to watch " 13 reasons Why, " I definitely don't regret it. It made me think. I'm still thinking about it. But not just for the shows sake. I'm thinking about how Christ wants me to respond to this show, and more so, how he wants me to respond to the kids in my life. Because even though Hannah and Clay were the main characters, and even though Hannah dealt with a lot of horrible things, so did the other kids. Your heart broke for a lot of them. I had a brief conversation with the friend that suggested I watch the show, and he asked me what I thought. I said " throughout the entire show, I couldn't help but think what could've happened if Hannah had been loved by a flawed individual that was dripping with Christ's love for her. Could you imagine how different her response to things could've been?" It made me think about Luke 6:31 " Do unto others as you would have them do to you." Luke 6:35 " But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great, and you will be children of the Most High, because he is kind to the ungrateful and wicked." Romans 12:9 " Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good." Mark 12:31 " The second is this: ' love your neighbor as yourself.' There is no commandment greater than these." Romans 13:10 " Love does no harm to a neighbor. Therefore love is the fulfillment of the law." and finally 1 Peter 4:8 " Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers a multitude of sins." I believe that we as Christians can use all the hype and obsession of "13 Reasons Why," to bring glory to the One True God. I actually believe a show like this couldn't have come at a better time. Whether or not you choose to watch or let your kids watch, let us as the body of Christ rise to the occasion and shower the world with Christ's love. Let's not shy away from the things that are hard to deal with and the sin that's anything but pretty. This show was the perfect picture of the fallen and broken world we live in. There is hope for the Hannah Baker's of this world. Hope for all of the kids portrayed in the show. Hope that we as believers are called to provide. So let's be real with our kids, let's be vigilant, and above all, let us love one another deeply, for love covers a multitude of sins.
