Technology is both a blessing and a curse. It can be so useful in situations, and at other times the biggest time waster out there. I try to limit my time using it to just purely find fast and dumb entertainment, but every once in a while I find a use for google that is far beyond worth while.
I recently joined a women's bible study at my church. Tonight was our second meeting, and we are studying Beth Moore's "Children of the Day," which is focused on 1st and 2nd Thessalonians. Let me tell you, this study is already amazing. Not only is the study amazing, but the women I have met so far are truly beyond incredible. At 23 ( in 4 days:D ) and 25, my friend Haley and I are the youngest there. We're not even in the same group! But gleaning wisdom from this study and these women is unbelievable.The reason that I brought up this bible study is because in tonight's video teaching, Beth said something that hit me quite hard. " In a world of pretense and platforms, we better be ready to prove ourselves. 'You know what kind of men we proved to be among you for your sake.' (1 Thessalonians 1:5) " The basic context of this statement is that as believers we so often think that if the people around us who are not yet believers choose not to see the goodness of God, then it isn't our responsibility, we don't have to prove that he is. But what Beth is saying is that it IS. We have been called to PROVE it.
Okay Kimberly, focus. Back to google. This past weeks studies of 1 Thessalonians chapter 1 has made me realize that I am so not of this world. I was not made for it. I was placed here for a specific purpose by the Lord God, Creator of all, but this is not where my hope lies. So with that thought in my head, I chose to simply type "I am made for so much more, because I am not of this world." I'm not even quite sure what I expected to find, but I will tell you right now, what I did broke my heart. I stumbled on a blogpost on the website "ExperienceProject." There was a person who wrote how they never felt they were made for this world, they didn't want any part of the cruelty and destruction and somehow there was this deeper, inner desire, LONGING to be a part of something more. They KNEW it in their very soul. What's interesting is that the people who left comments all said the same thing. All these people searching for that something more... but they don't know what it is. Do you know what broke my heart? The fact that not one of them said that Jesus, that heaven that SALVATION was the answer. And that's put on the shoulders of every single one of us who are believers in The Lord Jesus Christ.
You know, I don't believe that our longings and desires are just put at ease once we accept Christ as our Lord. Because I believe that he fills us with longing and desire to accomplish the tasks he has set before us. Such a righteous longing is a beautiful thing. I know I have them, and I am sure you do too. There are moments when I get a sense of longing for the things of this earth... but they so quickly fade when I am once again awestruck by the truth that NOTHING is better than a life that is Christ's. I am filled with so much wonder at the mystery of our Lord. There are no words to describe the sweetness of a life that is His alone. And it is our job to share that love, give the world a taste of it. We are to prove it! John 15:9 says "If you belonged to the world, it would love you as it's own. As it is, you do not belong to the world, BUT I HAVE CHOSEN YOU OUT OF THE WORLD. That is why the world hates you." This verse can both terrify and uplift believers. We have been chosen out of the world, wonderful! But the world hating us? Uh oh. Better avoid THAT. We can just stay in our Christian bubbles and love each other because it's easy. Maybe talk about our faith once in a while with a coworker, or a friend that doesn't know Jesus, but to actually live a life that PROVES the goodness of God? Yet we are charged with it.
I don't want this world. Give me Jesus! But let me also give Jesus to the lost and the broken, the hurting and angry. THAT is the life I want. Not being of this world does not mean that we turn our back on it. It's actually quite opposite. Let's march into battle together and show the world that HE IS GOOD!
Tuesday, September 16, 2014
Saturday, August 9, 2014
God's NOT dead
Wow. I just finished watching the movie "God's not dead" with my family. I had heard that it was a good movie, and as a believer in Jesus Christ, naturally I wanted to see it. Sometimes Christian films make me nervous. They have enough cheese to satisfy anyone's appetite, and quite frankly they miss the mark I think they're trying to hit. Don't get me wrong, I love those films. But I also already have a deep, personal relationship with Christ, so I am likely to be far less judgmental of those films than your everyday person. "God's not dead," however, portrayed real life in a tangible way. It wasn't all sunshine and roses. Jesus didn't just swoop in and save the day. Relationships were lost, work was done, and faith was tested. This isn't going to be a movie review, but I felt I had to preface it with this. I encourage you, whoever you are to see this movie. I don't care if Christ is already your everything, or if you deny Him with everything in you, the movie is a challenge. One I think we should all take. And that's what this blog is going to be about.
As I sat watching this film, so many things were brought to my attention. I'll spare you the details of my thoughts, because to you they are probably uninteresting. This week has been challenging for me. The Lord has really been convicting me of some things I didn't know I needed to be convicted of. Anyone who knows me knows that from the time I was a little girl, I have felt a deep and intense calling on my life. Rest assured I by no means think that my life is greater than anyone else's, but it isn't for not that I have been given a passion for truth and the ability to speak those truths in various ways. Eloquence is nothing but a gift from the Father, and while others may disagree with me, I feel that somehow he's gifted me with it for some reason. A reason bigger than I can comprehend. It excites me to no end. But one of the main challenges I have been up against this week is really very simple. All throughout middle school and high school I was convinced that the plans God had for me would be far beyond my comprehension. I could look anyone in the eye and tell them that I was going to change this world for my Savior. I believed it with everything in me. It wasn't cockiness that drove me to believe that. It wasn't for self-gratification, although that is something I have to battle with daily. Somehow I just knew it. God had spoken it to me and I didn't doubt Him. I wasn't afraid of sharing truth with anyone, really. If you would've told me the day I graduated high school I would be where I am today, I probably would've said you were crazy. Because here is the honest truth... for the past how many ever years, that passionate girl has been gone. Somehow when she became a woman, that passion started to slowly be replaced by other things. Somehow work, money, boyfriends, and sleep became her top priority. Somehow the fear of offending others because of her faith won out. Don't get me wrong, I love my Savior. I still have that passion burning deep inside of me, and in my comfort zone I am still that firecracker for Him. But i'm at a loss trying to figure out where that firecracker went when it actually mattered. I was so challenged by this movie in a few areas. One way is in how I live my life with other Christians. I am good at having healthy debates with people, but there are still times I fail at standing up for what I really know is right, living what I know is right. I hate to say that there are parts of me that have bought into mundane Christianity and it downright disgusts me. Where did the girl who used to dance before the Lord in worship go? Because now she talks about how that's okay to do in your own space, but maybe it's best to not distract others. Or the girl who didn't care about marriage because she knew God would provide the right person in the right time, and now all she can do is worry herself sick with whether her relationship is it or not? It's just beyond me! Don't get me wrong, Jesus is my lifeline, I would be dead without Him. I cannot imagine a life where he wasn't my everything. So the next thing that challenges me, really baffles me. Jesus is my very breath, to deny him, to me, would be like denying the oxygen I need to keep me alive. Since that IS true, why do I deny Him? No, I don't think I have ever directly denied Him before, but I am also a person that hates gray areas. To me if I just skate by in life and not live it fully for Him, that seems like denying Him. I fully believe I wasn't put on this earth for any other reason than to bring glory to my Father, and to share the truth of His love with every single person I come into contact with because I want them to have what I have. Any of you who know God the Father know how glorious it is to be His. When I am in His will and I know it, there is truly nothing better. Living for Jesus is not an obligation, it is the best thing in the world.
I guess it really made me think about my life, the people surrounding it, the ones involved in it. It doesn't matter if they disown me, disregard me, or see me as an insane Jesus freak... my life isn't for them, my life isn't for me. It's for Jesus. Through that His truth and light will shine, and people will come to know Him as their Savior! I want to know that even if I am completely alone when it comes to other people, I have my Jesus by my side. The great thing is though, I was also reminded of the body of Christ that is all around the world. We are NOT alone. This battle has already been won. We are equipped with the blood of Jesus, and we have each other to stand next to in battle. For as bleak as things seem sometimes, the truth is that there are people all around the world fighting the same fight you are. It's not a competition, it's a victory! How great that our God is in the souls of people everywhere. How great that we as the body of Christ get to stand together and reach this world for Him. That is...if we are willing. I guess maybe I need to challenge myself, and maybe you need to challenge yourself too. Mundane, lukewarm Christianity won't do anything to change this world... only passionate, fearless, Christ-centered warriors will. I want to be that person, do you? Our God is not dead. I don't want to be selfish with that knowledge anymore. Who's with me?
As I sat watching this film, so many things were brought to my attention. I'll spare you the details of my thoughts, because to you they are probably uninteresting. This week has been challenging for me. The Lord has really been convicting me of some things I didn't know I needed to be convicted of. Anyone who knows me knows that from the time I was a little girl, I have felt a deep and intense calling on my life. Rest assured I by no means think that my life is greater than anyone else's, but it isn't for not that I have been given a passion for truth and the ability to speak those truths in various ways. Eloquence is nothing but a gift from the Father, and while others may disagree with me, I feel that somehow he's gifted me with it for some reason. A reason bigger than I can comprehend. It excites me to no end. But one of the main challenges I have been up against this week is really very simple. All throughout middle school and high school I was convinced that the plans God had for me would be far beyond my comprehension. I could look anyone in the eye and tell them that I was going to change this world for my Savior. I believed it with everything in me. It wasn't cockiness that drove me to believe that. It wasn't for self-gratification, although that is something I have to battle with daily. Somehow I just knew it. God had spoken it to me and I didn't doubt Him. I wasn't afraid of sharing truth with anyone, really. If you would've told me the day I graduated high school I would be where I am today, I probably would've said you were crazy. Because here is the honest truth... for the past how many ever years, that passionate girl has been gone. Somehow when she became a woman, that passion started to slowly be replaced by other things. Somehow work, money, boyfriends, and sleep became her top priority. Somehow the fear of offending others because of her faith won out. Don't get me wrong, I love my Savior. I still have that passion burning deep inside of me, and in my comfort zone I am still that firecracker for Him. But i'm at a loss trying to figure out where that firecracker went when it actually mattered. I was so challenged by this movie in a few areas. One way is in how I live my life with other Christians. I am good at having healthy debates with people, but there are still times I fail at standing up for what I really know is right, living what I know is right. I hate to say that there are parts of me that have bought into mundane Christianity and it downright disgusts me. Where did the girl who used to dance before the Lord in worship go? Because now she talks about how that's okay to do in your own space, but maybe it's best to not distract others. Or the girl who didn't care about marriage because she knew God would provide the right person in the right time, and now all she can do is worry herself sick with whether her relationship is it or not? It's just beyond me! Don't get me wrong, Jesus is my lifeline, I would be dead without Him. I cannot imagine a life where he wasn't my everything. So the next thing that challenges me, really baffles me. Jesus is my very breath, to deny him, to me, would be like denying the oxygen I need to keep me alive. Since that IS true, why do I deny Him? No, I don't think I have ever directly denied Him before, but I am also a person that hates gray areas. To me if I just skate by in life and not live it fully for Him, that seems like denying Him. I fully believe I wasn't put on this earth for any other reason than to bring glory to my Father, and to share the truth of His love with every single person I come into contact with because I want them to have what I have. Any of you who know God the Father know how glorious it is to be His. When I am in His will and I know it, there is truly nothing better. Living for Jesus is not an obligation, it is the best thing in the world.
I guess it really made me think about my life, the people surrounding it, the ones involved in it. It doesn't matter if they disown me, disregard me, or see me as an insane Jesus freak... my life isn't for them, my life isn't for me. It's for Jesus. Through that His truth and light will shine, and people will come to know Him as their Savior! I want to know that even if I am completely alone when it comes to other people, I have my Jesus by my side. The great thing is though, I was also reminded of the body of Christ that is all around the world. We are NOT alone. This battle has already been won. We are equipped with the blood of Jesus, and we have each other to stand next to in battle. For as bleak as things seem sometimes, the truth is that there are people all around the world fighting the same fight you are. It's not a competition, it's a victory! How great that our God is in the souls of people everywhere. How great that we as the body of Christ get to stand together and reach this world for Him. That is...if we are willing. I guess maybe I need to challenge myself, and maybe you need to challenge yourself too. Mundane, lukewarm Christianity won't do anything to change this world... only passionate, fearless, Christ-centered warriors will. I want to be that person, do you? Our God is not dead. I don't want to be selfish with that knowledge anymore. Who's with me?
Saturday, April 19, 2014
The ultimate sacrifice
Wow. As I sit down to write this, I have a lot of thoughts swirling through my head. A lot of them are good thoughts. Things I should've shared months ago, but I haven't. Time is a funny thing indeed. My last entry was in December. Christmastime. It really doesn't seem that long ago, until I realize I haven't written in a quarter of a year. That's astounding to me. I can use all of the excuses in the book about being too busy, not having things to write about, etc. But the truth is, for whatever reason I have been feeling so insecure about writing things The Lord puts on my heart. And the truth is until very recently, I wasn't sure why. But as I look back on what has occurred in the year 2014 already, I have an answer. This year has been one of the best so far, yet it's been filled with a ton of Spiritual Battles. Not just attack, but full fledged battles. I am in a stage in my life where I am having to fight for righteousness or give into worldliness. And to be honest, I'm so excited about that.
For this whole year I have been plagued with the thoughts of what it means to live righteously for Christ. There are so many types of Christians, that honestly it gets incredibly confusing. You have extremes on both ends of the spectrum. Those who live a very structured Christian life. Have you ever seen the show 19 Kids and Counting? That's the life I'm talking about. A great Christian family who lives a very strict life. People like that have always intrigued me. Probably because I'm so different from them. I think their dedication is truly amazing, but I've come to the conclusion that I could never live like that. I'm far too opinionated and loud. I also really like country music. I find myself admiring them, but then I start to feel bad about myself, and I know that's not from Christ. Then there's the other extreme form of Christianity, where everything goes. Grace is just a get out of jail free card. You can go get drunk every weekend, sleep around, curse, cheat, lie, etc. and God's grace is always there to catch you. I'll be honest, it's hard for me not to judge that lifestyle. I DO believe God's grace is there, but then I also believe that he has called us to live a life worthy of His calling. So then I start to feel superior. And then there's me. I seem to be somewhere smack dab in the middle of all of this, trying to figure out which is "The best Christian way to live." And the funny thing about time, the funny thing about life, is that we're constantly growing, changing, and learning. What I thought about Jesus and my faith 5 years ago, has changed so drastically, even though he remains the same. But I think that's the problem. We as Christians get SO caught up in trying to figure out the best way to present our Christian life to the world, that we forget to really live it. Believe me, I'm right there with you. I worry about how people will view certain things, instead of truly just living them out. Is that not silly? There's a possibility that I am the only one who is this way...but somehow I doubt it.
For the past few years, the week before Easter has been incredibly significant to me. Somehow it feels like Jesus is showing me more and more what his sacrifice actually meant. I went to my Church's Easter play last night, and it again struck me just HOW awesome my Jesus is. Sacrifice isn't just a pretty, fancy word we use to describe what Jesus did. It was an actual, real thing that we so easily forget. I'm often baffled by the fact that he not only came to earth and took on the form of man, died a horrendous painful death that he didn't deserve, battled Satan in hell so that YOU AND I can have eternal life....and we so often throw it back in his face. It brings tears to my eyes just thinking about that. Thinking about the times that I've been more concerned about MY image, than his. And that's what it is, isn't it? We're concerned about how our Christian life will look because it effects US not HIM. And that's when I realized, that the example of how to live the best Christian life was found in the living, breathing, Word of God Himself. There are countless stories of men and women standing for Christ, and bringing his Kingdom to earth. And the coolest part of all of it, is that they were all SO different. It might be astounding, but I never really realized that before. We all have our favorite characters and stories in the Bible. Maybe it's because we resemble them in some way... or maybe it's because we'd like to. Regardless we have an amazing book full of truth, and full of people who all lived their extraordinary lives for Christ. It's pretty amazing! So instead of worrying how we look, we should be thinking about what the truths that each of these people followed are. We have ALL sinned and fallen short of the glory of God. That's a given. His grace covers our sin, absolutely. But what am I doing to live a life worthy of his calling? What are you doing? Are you just doing the minimum amount you think will get you a decent sized crown in Heaven? Or are you truly living sold out and on fire for Him? I don't know about you, but I want to live with reckless abandon for Christ. I want to have no regard for the criticism I may get from being His alone. I know we hear all the time that we have the power to change the world... but when will we actually start believing it? Maybe this is a rant, maybe it's only a personal struggle of mine. But I don't want to just live good enough anymore. Jesus Christ dying on the cross wasn't just good enough. It was the ultimate sacrifice, so that we could live. Why would we not give our ultimate sacrifice back?
I'm starting to pull into the strength of Christ, and let these insecurities of sharing his love and truth go. It saddens me that I've let it plague me for this long. But I'm ready for the battles now, and I'm not backing down. I want to live each precious day on earth like it's the day Jesus is coming back. Unafraid of what people think of me, so long as Christ is always shining through. That's my hearts deepest desire. I can't wait to see the body of Christ rise up and stand boldly once again. Because I know beyond a shadow of a doubt, our sacrifice for our Jesus will be worth it when we're all worshiping in eternity!
For this whole year I have been plagued with the thoughts of what it means to live righteously for Christ. There are so many types of Christians, that honestly it gets incredibly confusing. You have extremes on both ends of the spectrum. Those who live a very structured Christian life. Have you ever seen the show 19 Kids and Counting? That's the life I'm talking about. A great Christian family who lives a very strict life. People like that have always intrigued me. Probably because I'm so different from them. I think their dedication is truly amazing, but I've come to the conclusion that I could never live like that. I'm far too opinionated and loud. I also really like country music. I find myself admiring them, but then I start to feel bad about myself, and I know that's not from Christ. Then there's the other extreme form of Christianity, where everything goes. Grace is just a get out of jail free card. You can go get drunk every weekend, sleep around, curse, cheat, lie, etc. and God's grace is always there to catch you. I'll be honest, it's hard for me not to judge that lifestyle. I DO believe God's grace is there, but then I also believe that he has called us to live a life worthy of His calling. So then I start to feel superior. And then there's me. I seem to be somewhere smack dab in the middle of all of this, trying to figure out which is "The best Christian way to live." And the funny thing about time, the funny thing about life, is that we're constantly growing, changing, and learning. What I thought about Jesus and my faith 5 years ago, has changed so drastically, even though he remains the same. But I think that's the problem. We as Christians get SO caught up in trying to figure out the best way to present our Christian life to the world, that we forget to really live it. Believe me, I'm right there with you. I worry about how people will view certain things, instead of truly just living them out. Is that not silly? There's a possibility that I am the only one who is this way...but somehow I doubt it.
For the past few years, the week before Easter has been incredibly significant to me. Somehow it feels like Jesus is showing me more and more what his sacrifice actually meant. I went to my Church's Easter play last night, and it again struck me just HOW awesome my Jesus is. Sacrifice isn't just a pretty, fancy word we use to describe what Jesus did. It was an actual, real thing that we so easily forget. I'm often baffled by the fact that he not only came to earth and took on the form of man, died a horrendous painful death that he didn't deserve, battled Satan in hell so that YOU AND I can have eternal life....and we so often throw it back in his face. It brings tears to my eyes just thinking about that. Thinking about the times that I've been more concerned about MY image, than his. And that's what it is, isn't it? We're concerned about how our Christian life will look because it effects US not HIM. And that's when I realized, that the example of how to live the best Christian life was found in the living, breathing, Word of God Himself. There are countless stories of men and women standing for Christ, and bringing his Kingdom to earth. And the coolest part of all of it, is that they were all SO different. It might be astounding, but I never really realized that before. We all have our favorite characters and stories in the Bible. Maybe it's because we resemble them in some way... or maybe it's because we'd like to. Regardless we have an amazing book full of truth, and full of people who all lived their extraordinary lives for Christ. It's pretty amazing! So instead of worrying how we look, we should be thinking about what the truths that each of these people followed are. We have ALL sinned and fallen short of the glory of God. That's a given. His grace covers our sin, absolutely. But what am I doing to live a life worthy of his calling? What are you doing? Are you just doing the minimum amount you think will get you a decent sized crown in Heaven? Or are you truly living sold out and on fire for Him? I don't know about you, but I want to live with reckless abandon for Christ. I want to have no regard for the criticism I may get from being His alone. I know we hear all the time that we have the power to change the world... but when will we actually start believing it? Maybe this is a rant, maybe it's only a personal struggle of mine. But I don't want to just live good enough anymore. Jesus Christ dying on the cross wasn't just good enough. It was the ultimate sacrifice, so that we could live. Why would we not give our ultimate sacrifice back?
I'm starting to pull into the strength of Christ, and let these insecurities of sharing his love and truth go. It saddens me that I've let it plague me for this long. But I'm ready for the battles now, and I'm not backing down. I want to live each precious day on earth like it's the day Jesus is coming back. Unafraid of what people think of me, so long as Christ is always shining through. That's my hearts deepest desire. I can't wait to see the body of Christ rise up and stand boldly once again. Because I know beyond a shadow of a doubt, our sacrifice for our Jesus will be worth it when we're all worshiping in eternity!
Friday, December 13, 2013
Confessions of a 22 year old virgin
Okay, so I know the title of this post may come across as a bit shocking. To be honest, I've debated whether to write on this subject for a REALLY long time. For some reason, it seems like it's "taboo" to be a young woman in the church today, and discuss the very real world of purity, chastity, and premarital sex. Let me take that back, purity and chastity are encouraged slightly, though not with any good reason, and unfortunately, once you reach an age that the world deems "too old to be a virgin," so many young people give in. Actually, people not only outside of the church, but an absurd amount within the church fall into the trap of premarital sex. Now, before I go any further, I just want to assure anyone reading this that I don't condemn you nor do I condone anything that has transpired in your past... Or really, for anything in your present and future. To be fair, my job is not to be a judge, it's to love and point people to Christ through the example he gave me in his word. That's truth whether I agree with you or not, and whether you agree with me or not. So with that being said, let's move forward.
I wanted to write this post for many reasons. First of which, is that I didn't realize how rare it was for a woman (or man) my age to still be a virgin at 22 years old, by choice. Growing up in Christian School maybe blinded me to a lot of the realities, but when I entered the real world it quickly became apparent that I was the exception. I remember other students in my college courses teasing me mercilessly for holding out until I am married to the man I KNOW God has for me. It all started one day when one of them asked what the ring on my left ring finger was. They knew I wasn't in a relationship, yet they knew that the ring was a permanent feature. I'd like to tell you that I answered boldly and confidently that I was waiting for my future husband, and I didn't care if they thought I was silly. Instead, I somehow lost my usual spitfire ways and half-heartedly explained. To this day I'm not sure why I answered the way I did. But regardless, it didn't stop them from making it one of their favorite topics to talk about. At first, it sort of infuriated me. The people I was in school with were mainly male, and I thought they were just being perverted about everything. But as time went on, I slowly began to realize that something I treasured and held so close to my heart, was something that was intriguing for people who chose to live differently than me. I realized that by me being a virgin, it meant so much more than just waiting for my husband and a beautiful marriage. It is an ability to show people how different a life with Christ can be. Let me explain a little. Growing up, I was taught like everyone else that sex was to be for marriage. It was honestly not even a thought of mine until I began high school and realized some pretty cool things. First, is that physical intimacy isn't meant to be selfish. I don't just mean with sex, I mean with any physical intimacy. I've always wondered why something as simple as holding hands can feel wrong, when it's a very sweet, pure expression of feeling. But that's just it, most of the time in the dating world, physical intimacy of any kind is used to please the person giving it, not the one receiving it. I think if we stopped and actually took physical intimacy for what it is- a way to express a deep feeling for someone, things like casual sex wouldn't even exist. I also realized that entering into physical intimacy with someone on a sexual level is the deepest you can ever be with someone physically, spiritually, and emotionally. I knew that I only wanted that with one person ever. My decision to wait was made pretty early on. I've always had high physical standards in relationships, and while there are things I could say I "regret" in relationships, really and truly, I thank The Lord for the things he showed me. Someday giving myself to my husband is going to be a true gift. ANYWAY, back from my rabbit trail, here we go. So I finally decided to write this post, because quite frankly, I am sick and tired of the over-sexualized world we live in today. Can I tell you how frustrating it is to go out with guy after guy, date after date, waiting for a man to be a strong leader and protector, someone who truly values your worth, not your body, and find out that even the "best" Christian guys still want to push your limits? Because well, it is. And I've experienced that guy more times than I can count. Out of the many guys I've dated, there's only been one ever that I truly felt ever respected me, and his future wife and my future husband in the relationship. That's probably why he ended up being my boyfriend. Even though I know the future doesn't hold us being together, I find myself longing for that again. So many times people ask my why I don't just " get it over with." They say I'll realize it's " not that big of a deal," and that it's just a fun, physical part of a relationship. And that to me, is completely cringe worthy. That in and of itself is a huge problem in society today. I'm just going to go ahead and throw it out there and say that I believe 100% of people who are having sex outside of marriage, or sex just for fun are missing out on the most amazing gift they could ever had. Yep, I said it. Argue with me, say I don't know what I'm talking about because I haven't experienced it. You're right, sex, I've never experienced, but Jesus, I absolutely have. I believe that when things are done the way Christ has created them to be done, the most amazing blessings can happen. Now, don't get me wrong, I think that every single person, every single couple can have that amazing gift. God isn't a God of grace and redemption and restoration for no reason! I'm just saying that if we actually started treating one another, and the relationships we've been given with true love and respect, we could all have an amazing love story. Because true love is sacrifice, not selfishness. Most of you reading my blog know that I volunteer with the youth at my church. I absolutely love it. There are times I get discouraged in this journey of waiting for my Man of God. I wonder if all the talk around me is actually truth, and I grow weary. But then I talk to one of the teenage girls in my life... I can't tell you how many have told me that they look up to me so much because I try my best to live my life for The Lord. And let's face it, whether we like it or not, most of those girls come to me with boy stuff. I had one of the girls I mentor tell me a few weeks ago, " You know, the stories of women who have messed up with guys and then have that part of their life restored are really cool, don't get me wrong...but it's so encouraging to see you holding out for that. It makes me realize I can do it too." Okay, if I had no other reason for waiting, that statement would be my reason. I try not to let that part of who I am define me, but the older I get, the more I realize what a gift it is to the world! I look around at our society and my heart breaks. The world is in a rat race trying to find love. People sing about it, talk about it, write about it, think about it constantly. We all know the typical Christian answer is that God is the only one that can fill that void for love we feel. I agree! But what about this idea; maybe we all long for love and companionship so much because Christ CREATED us that way? Crazy thought, right? But I'll be honest, the relationships and marriages I admire and want to emulate most are the ones where Christ is the absolute center of all of it. He's the all consuming of the two individuals, that when it comes to their relationship, he stitches up the things that fairytales are made of. I see these couples endure life's hardest tragedies, yet still find deep love in the middle. I watch them rejoice together in the happy times and my heart rejoices right with them. I long for that kind of love someday, and I know that IT IS THE KIND OF LOVE CHRIST INTENDED US TO HAVE! How unbelievable is that? He simply asks us to follow his path to get that kind of love. So simple, yet so many give up before they even start because settling for a cheap imitation is easier.
Again, I know this is a controversial topic... to be honest, I wasn't quite sure I was going to post this after I wrote it. But then I realized why not? Why not be an encouragement? I don't know how it'll be received or what people will say, but quite frankly I wish someone would've shared the things I've learned with me when I was younger. If this post has offended you, I'm sorry. It isn't ever my intention to be brazen or loose lipped. But I just really felt like it needed to be said. So with that, I just want to close by saying if you've messed up, then run to the cross. Jesus IS the true redeemer and restorer and I PROMISE he can and will restore any broken part of your life. And if you're the position I'm in, stay strong. And for all of us, keep praying and waiting patiently for the Man or Woman God has created for you. They ARE out there. Remember the true gift that loving another person is. Honor them, respect them even now because it'll be worth it in the end.
I wanted to write this post for many reasons. First of which, is that I didn't realize how rare it was for a woman (or man) my age to still be a virgin at 22 years old, by choice. Growing up in Christian School maybe blinded me to a lot of the realities, but when I entered the real world it quickly became apparent that I was the exception. I remember other students in my college courses teasing me mercilessly for holding out until I am married to the man I KNOW God has for me. It all started one day when one of them asked what the ring on my left ring finger was. They knew I wasn't in a relationship, yet they knew that the ring was a permanent feature. I'd like to tell you that I answered boldly and confidently that I was waiting for my future husband, and I didn't care if they thought I was silly. Instead, I somehow lost my usual spitfire ways and half-heartedly explained. To this day I'm not sure why I answered the way I did. But regardless, it didn't stop them from making it one of their favorite topics to talk about. At first, it sort of infuriated me. The people I was in school with were mainly male, and I thought they were just being perverted about everything. But as time went on, I slowly began to realize that something I treasured and held so close to my heart, was something that was intriguing for people who chose to live differently than me. I realized that by me being a virgin, it meant so much more than just waiting for my husband and a beautiful marriage. It is an ability to show people how different a life with Christ can be. Let me explain a little. Growing up, I was taught like everyone else that sex was to be for marriage. It was honestly not even a thought of mine until I began high school and realized some pretty cool things. First, is that physical intimacy isn't meant to be selfish. I don't just mean with sex, I mean with any physical intimacy. I've always wondered why something as simple as holding hands can feel wrong, when it's a very sweet, pure expression of feeling. But that's just it, most of the time in the dating world, physical intimacy of any kind is used to please the person giving it, not the one receiving it. I think if we stopped and actually took physical intimacy for what it is- a way to express a deep feeling for someone, things like casual sex wouldn't even exist. I also realized that entering into physical intimacy with someone on a sexual level is the deepest you can ever be with someone physically, spiritually, and emotionally. I knew that I only wanted that with one person ever. My decision to wait was made pretty early on. I've always had high physical standards in relationships, and while there are things I could say I "regret" in relationships, really and truly, I thank The Lord for the things he showed me. Someday giving myself to my husband is going to be a true gift. ANYWAY, back from my rabbit trail, here we go. So I finally decided to write this post, because quite frankly, I am sick and tired of the over-sexualized world we live in today. Can I tell you how frustrating it is to go out with guy after guy, date after date, waiting for a man to be a strong leader and protector, someone who truly values your worth, not your body, and find out that even the "best" Christian guys still want to push your limits? Because well, it is. And I've experienced that guy more times than I can count. Out of the many guys I've dated, there's only been one ever that I truly felt ever respected me, and his future wife and my future husband in the relationship. That's probably why he ended up being my boyfriend. Even though I know the future doesn't hold us being together, I find myself longing for that again. So many times people ask my why I don't just " get it over with." They say I'll realize it's " not that big of a deal," and that it's just a fun, physical part of a relationship. And that to me, is completely cringe worthy. That in and of itself is a huge problem in society today. I'm just going to go ahead and throw it out there and say that I believe 100% of people who are having sex outside of marriage, or sex just for fun are missing out on the most amazing gift they could ever had. Yep, I said it. Argue with me, say I don't know what I'm talking about because I haven't experienced it. You're right, sex, I've never experienced, but Jesus, I absolutely have. I believe that when things are done the way Christ has created them to be done, the most amazing blessings can happen. Now, don't get me wrong, I think that every single person, every single couple can have that amazing gift. God isn't a God of grace and redemption and restoration for no reason! I'm just saying that if we actually started treating one another, and the relationships we've been given with true love and respect, we could all have an amazing love story. Because true love is sacrifice, not selfishness. Most of you reading my blog know that I volunteer with the youth at my church. I absolutely love it. There are times I get discouraged in this journey of waiting for my Man of God. I wonder if all the talk around me is actually truth, and I grow weary. But then I talk to one of the teenage girls in my life... I can't tell you how many have told me that they look up to me so much because I try my best to live my life for The Lord. And let's face it, whether we like it or not, most of those girls come to me with boy stuff. I had one of the girls I mentor tell me a few weeks ago, " You know, the stories of women who have messed up with guys and then have that part of their life restored are really cool, don't get me wrong...but it's so encouraging to see you holding out for that. It makes me realize I can do it too." Okay, if I had no other reason for waiting, that statement would be my reason. I try not to let that part of who I am define me, but the older I get, the more I realize what a gift it is to the world! I look around at our society and my heart breaks. The world is in a rat race trying to find love. People sing about it, talk about it, write about it, think about it constantly. We all know the typical Christian answer is that God is the only one that can fill that void for love we feel. I agree! But what about this idea; maybe we all long for love and companionship so much because Christ CREATED us that way? Crazy thought, right? But I'll be honest, the relationships and marriages I admire and want to emulate most are the ones where Christ is the absolute center of all of it. He's the all consuming of the two individuals, that when it comes to their relationship, he stitches up the things that fairytales are made of. I see these couples endure life's hardest tragedies, yet still find deep love in the middle. I watch them rejoice together in the happy times and my heart rejoices right with them. I long for that kind of love someday, and I know that IT IS THE KIND OF LOVE CHRIST INTENDED US TO HAVE! How unbelievable is that? He simply asks us to follow his path to get that kind of love. So simple, yet so many give up before they even start because settling for a cheap imitation is easier.
Again, I know this is a controversial topic... to be honest, I wasn't quite sure I was going to post this after I wrote it. But then I realized why not? Why not be an encouragement? I don't know how it'll be received or what people will say, but quite frankly I wish someone would've shared the things I've learned with me when I was younger. If this post has offended you, I'm sorry. It isn't ever my intention to be brazen or loose lipped. But I just really felt like it needed to be said. So with that, I just want to close by saying if you've messed up, then run to the cross. Jesus IS the true redeemer and restorer and I PROMISE he can and will restore any broken part of your life. And if you're the position I'm in, stay strong. And for all of us, keep praying and waiting patiently for the Man or Woman God has created for you. They ARE out there. Remember the true gift that loving another person is. Honor them, respect them even now because it'll be worth it in the end.
Tuesday, December 3, 2013
Christmas
I simply love the Holidays. It's odd, when I was a child my love for them was tremendous, but very different than it is now. And somewhere between childhood and adulthood, I forgot what it meant to appreciate Christmas. What it meant to love Christmas. And not just Christmas as the world sees it, but what it's really about. It's so interesting to me that it doesn't matter who you are, most people believe in the "magic" of Christmas. People are a little nicer, and the compassionate part of human nature tends to show it's face more. I've always loved this. I love seeing the tender part of humanity that I often think has died. But this holiday season I was hit with something I had never realized. The "magic" of Christmas is, I believe God making himself known. Let me explain what I mean. See, I somehow believe that through our own "Holiday Spirit" Christ is showing more of his love in hopes that people finally realize that Jesus TRULY is the reason for this time we all love. I look around at the Christmas miracles that happen, the stories of hope and redemption and grace. How could we NOT associate it with Christ? This Thanksgiving, I got to experience hope, redemption, and grace in a way that I never had before. It made my heart swell with gratitude and joy. I somehow knew that everything that was happen was FAR bigger than myself, or even the other people involved. It was sort of ironic that it was happening during this season. But I love how God works that way, sometimes he has to take something so fairytale like, and make it so literal so that we actually stop and realize that he is goodness itself. Now, don't get me wrong, he obviously works in wondrous ways all throughout the year, but there's something special about this time of year. If we stop to look close enough, we can literally see Jesus in every part. I love the feeling I get watching new snow fall, covering everything with it's beauty. What a great metaphor for ourselves. The pureness and softness of new fallen snow is like the love of our Savior covering us. The awe of children experiencing Christmas is the awe Mary and Joseph must have felt holding their new born son. Just like every new parent. But even MORE enthralling because he was the one who came down to save humanity. The unselfishness of gift giving, how we should strive to live each and every day. Maybe I am grasping for straws here, but I don't think so. Christmas, like every other time in life can be unbelievable if we just take the time to stop and see the beauty that surrounds us. The truth that can always be found in the midst of chaos. This Christmas season, I'm not just thankful for the birth of Christ, I'm thankful that I actually get to stop and remember what that truly means, and I hope that you do too. Merry Christmas!
Tuesday, October 22, 2013
The best kind of change
Holy cow, these past weeks have been incredible. I just love how God is always full of surprises. He never works the same, yet he's always good. It's fantastic! So let me just start by saying that he has been working in me in a way that I never knew I needed. Most of you who know me, or follow this blog/my videos/ etc. know that my heart has always been for ministry. It's what I love, and always have, but more specifically, I feel drawn to teenage girls. I've always volunteered with them, and have always loved building relationships with them. But God has opened crazy/awesome opportunities for me to invest more into the lives of young girls than ever before over the past few weeks and I LOVE IT!!! It all started with an event my church puts on called Israel Awareness Day. It's a program we do once a year to honor God's chosen people, and it's absolutely brilliant. Anyway, I noticed that all but one of the girls directly involved in the program with me, were younger. Now, I've known most of these girls for several years, but it's like scales fell from my eyes and I realized something SO cool. As I was spending a lot of time with these awesome young ladies, The Lord began to show me that yes, they are younger than me, and will always be...however, they will be my peers sooner than later. What I mean by this, is I realized that in the game of life, they are not that far removed from me at all. And I don't know...It gave me a sort of freedom in a way. I began to realize that it wasn't just an option, but a responsibility for me to be FRIENDS with these young women, not just a leader. Obviously there is the line of authority, as there should be, but why would it have to be a HUGE one? Because the way I look at it, the young women in my life will be entering the real world in the next 2-5 years, and anyone who's made it to 18 years old knows that that amount of time is really nothing. And I'd rather the transition of " leader to friends," not be so awkward/ hard. And i'll tell you something amazing, my relationships with these young women have already grown IMMENSLY in the past few weeks. It's crazy awesome. Especially because i'm letting myself learn from these girls as well. It's odd getting into the mind of a teen girl, especially a high school teen girl. They are figuring out who they are, what they stand for, and what they want to be in life. They are so full of promise and potential...nothing can bring them down. Their determination astounds me. I must admit that I've been dumbfounded more than once by something one of them has said, in the best possible way. Their faith is untainted, and sure. It's not that they haven't experienced the hardships of life, ( because let me tell you, some most CERTAINLY have) but somehow, believing things will get better is almost second nature. The past few weeks I've honestly looked in awe at these beautiful young women and felt a sort of sadness because I remember when only a few years ago, I WAS HER. Nothing could or would shake me, I was so sure in who I was in Christ. But oddly enough, the years in the real world have weighed heavily on me, and while my faith is still secure, I find that I inevitably let doubt in. And a lot of times, I let doubt win. When the game of "But God is bigger than any bizarre circumstance, " is played, I generally dismiss that card. Because the older we get, the more "mature" thing to do, is the be practical. Well, i'm calling bull crap on that for sure!!!
This past Sunday, we had the Middle School and High School service combined. I had gone to the adult service prior, and a good friend of mine's dad spoke. He's written an incredible book for the Men of God to stand up and be the Man God created them to be. His service really challenged me, and got me excited. I then walked into our combined youth service and began chatting with students. I LOVE pre- service for that very reason. It allows time to see into who these young people are. I was laughing and joking with Middle and High school alike, and I knew that it was going to be a great service. However, I was unaware as to just how great it would be. We were talking about the Holy Spirit, and let me tell you, HE SHOWED UP THAT DAY. It was crazy. At the end of service, the students had an opportunity to come to us leaders for prayer or to talk. And i'm telling you right now, the things these kids wanted prayer for were INCREDIBLE. Things that most adults don't even pray for. And it hit me, THIS generation, MY generation is SO hungry for truth, for righteousness. We are BEGGING to be given more, to grow, to love because we KNOW that we can change this world. When I wasn't praying with a student, I looked around and saw an army ready for battle. They don't need years to become "mature." They are some of the most spiritually mature people I know, and they're ready RIGHT. NOW. And I realized in that moment, at that point in time, that when it came to my spiritual walk, I needed to get right back to where they are. Since I graduated High School, I've been trying to find the "mature" walk of faith. To be an "adult," in my faith. Now, I'm not saying that I want to lack responsibilities when it comes to work, decisions, etc. That is all GOOD maturity to have. I'm saying that when I over analyze my faith, who Jesus is, and what he's capable of, I lose the very essence of Him. He didn't call us to have faith like a child for no reason! And the craziest thing is, the more i'm opening myself up to these incredible truths, these incredible students, the more i'm remembering what God has created me for. If you aren't directly involved in the life of a teenager, I highly encourage you to do so... They will change your world!:)
This past Sunday, we had the Middle School and High School service combined. I had gone to the adult service prior, and a good friend of mine's dad spoke. He's written an incredible book for the Men of God to stand up and be the Man God created them to be. His service really challenged me, and got me excited. I then walked into our combined youth service and began chatting with students. I LOVE pre- service for that very reason. It allows time to see into who these young people are. I was laughing and joking with Middle and High school alike, and I knew that it was going to be a great service. However, I was unaware as to just how great it would be. We were talking about the Holy Spirit, and let me tell you, HE SHOWED UP THAT DAY. It was crazy. At the end of service, the students had an opportunity to come to us leaders for prayer or to talk. And i'm telling you right now, the things these kids wanted prayer for were INCREDIBLE. Things that most adults don't even pray for. And it hit me, THIS generation, MY generation is SO hungry for truth, for righteousness. We are BEGGING to be given more, to grow, to love because we KNOW that we can change this world. When I wasn't praying with a student, I looked around and saw an army ready for battle. They don't need years to become "mature." They are some of the most spiritually mature people I know, and they're ready RIGHT. NOW. And I realized in that moment, at that point in time, that when it came to my spiritual walk, I needed to get right back to where they are. Since I graduated High School, I've been trying to find the "mature" walk of faith. To be an "adult," in my faith. Now, I'm not saying that I want to lack responsibilities when it comes to work, decisions, etc. That is all GOOD maturity to have. I'm saying that when I over analyze my faith, who Jesus is, and what he's capable of, I lose the very essence of Him. He didn't call us to have faith like a child for no reason! And the craziest thing is, the more i'm opening myself up to these incredible truths, these incredible students, the more i'm remembering what God has created me for. If you aren't directly involved in the life of a teenager, I highly encourage you to do so... They will change your world!:)
Tuesday, October 15, 2013
Love
My mind has been consumed with love lately...but maybe not for the reason you might think. I'm not in love at this point in time, and to be honest, I don't know when that time will come for me. But regardless of all that, my life isn't just about me, and so because of that, I am constantly surrounded by love. And it's wonderful.
Yesterday, my beautiful sister got engaged. I can't even begin to explain how I feel about this, but overjoyed is a good place to start. My sister is 31 years old. In the Christian society, that is "older" for a person to marry. But let me tell you something that astounds me about all of this. My sister was engaged at 19 years old, and I know that she is more happy today that she gets to marry her fiancé Joseph than she ever would've been marrying her ex. She has had a hard life when it comes to relationships. I have watched her heart break, and my heart has broken with her. I've heard her cries of " why not me?" when friends have gotten married and started families. And I know that for whatever reason, she's walked the road she has because The Lord God Almighty ordained it to be this way. And what a great story she has. Through the trials, the pain, the heartache, she finally gets to marry her best friend.
But there's a flip side to that. My best friend got married at 19, her husband 20. They have a beautiful baby girl and their life is incredible. I find it so cool when couples get to grow up together. When they get to learn more from each other because they're less established in who they are. How cool to say you were high school sweet hearts?
Or I look at my brother and his wife. Not only is she older than him, but they had what most people would call an unconventional wedding...they got married at a court house! But you know what? That story fits them like a glove. And now they have the most beautiful daughters I've ever seen.
I look at my parents, my dad and mom both immediately knew they'd met the one. But that didn't stop my mom from being scared to death and breaking up with my dad 5 times in the 2 years they dated before she finally agreed to forever with him. It shows me that true love doesn't ever give up.
Or my great aunt and uncle. He is 8 years younger than her and lied to her about his age until they were engaged because he knew she was the love his life. Even though she probably should've broken up with him ( kidding of course ;) ) love knew no bounds. Even when an older woman marrying a younger man was taboo far more than it is today.
I look around, I see all these different loves, and it makes my heart happy. Because I've realized something that I don't think I ever had before... Since the day I turned 18, I've been worrying about who my special someone is. Do I know them? Where will I meet them? Will they be older? Younger? Tall? Short? What's his personality going to be like? Will his family love me? And so many other questions. But I've realized that God is faithful, and because of that, I know he's out there somewhere. I know i'm not the only one who gets caught up in trying to figure everything out. Trying to make things happen. But I do know this, I have been blessed to witness and be a part of so many beautiful love stories, that I can't ever complain. I've been blessed because of other people's love for one another. I can't force doors to open or shut, and I can't magically know who that person is. All I can do is trust in my Savior, and know that regardless of the circumstance, if I'm serving Christ and following his will for my life, I'll get a unique story of my own someday.
So I guess I wanted to encourage all of my fellow singles out there. Whether you're 16 and have already found the love of your life. 35 and unwed. 10 years apart either way. Or wondering if you're ever going to meet the person of your dreams, remember that since the beginning of time God thought you out, he thought your soul mate out. And in his perfect timing, the story will come together beautifully.
Yesterday, my beautiful sister got engaged. I can't even begin to explain how I feel about this, but overjoyed is a good place to start. My sister is 31 years old. In the Christian society, that is "older" for a person to marry. But let me tell you something that astounds me about all of this. My sister was engaged at 19 years old, and I know that she is more happy today that she gets to marry her fiancé Joseph than she ever would've been marrying her ex. She has had a hard life when it comes to relationships. I have watched her heart break, and my heart has broken with her. I've heard her cries of " why not me?" when friends have gotten married and started families. And I know that for whatever reason, she's walked the road she has because The Lord God Almighty ordained it to be this way. And what a great story she has. Through the trials, the pain, the heartache, she finally gets to marry her best friend.
But there's a flip side to that. My best friend got married at 19, her husband 20. They have a beautiful baby girl and their life is incredible. I find it so cool when couples get to grow up together. When they get to learn more from each other because they're less established in who they are. How cool to say you were high school sweet hearts?
Or I look at my brother and his wife. Not only is she older than him, but they had what most people would call an unconventional wedding...they got married at a court house! But you know what? That story fits them like a glove. And now they have the most beautiful daughters I've ever seen.
I look at my parents, my dad and mom both immediately knew they'd met the one. But that didn't stop my mom from being scared to death and breaking up with my dad 5 times in the 2 years they dated before she finally agreed to forever with him. It shows me that true love doesn't ever give up.
Or my great aunt and uncle. He is 8 years younger than her and lied to her about his age until they were engaged because he knew she was the love his life. Even though she probably should've broken up with him ( kidding of course ;) ) love knew no bounds. Even when an older woman marrying a younger man was taboo far more than it is today.
I look around, I see all these different loves, and it makes my heart happy. Because I've realized something that I don't think I ever had before... Since the day I turned 18, I've been worrying about who my special someone is. Do I know them? Where will I meet them? Will they be older? Younger? Tall? Short? What's his personality going to be like? Will his family love me? And so many other questions. But I've realized that God is faithful, and because of that, I know he's out there somewhere. I know i'm not the only one who gets caught up in trying to figure everything out. Trying to make things happen. But I do know this, I have been blessed to witness and be a part of so many beautiful love stories, that I can't ever complain. I've been blessed because of other people's love for one another. I can't force doors to open or shut, and I can't magically know who that person is. All I can do is trust in my Savior, and know that regardless of the circumstance, if I'm serving Christ and following his will for my life, I'll get a unique story of my own someday.
So I guess I wanted to encourage all of my fellow singles out there. Whether you're 16 and have already found the love of your life. 35 and unwed. 10 years apart either way. Or wondering if you're ever going to meet the person of your dreams, remember that since the beginning of time God thought you out, he thought your soul mate out. And in his perfect timing, the story will come together beautifully.
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