There's the old cliche saying "Time flies." While i've found that this, like most cliche's is true, I think it leaves something out. I think it might be more accurate to say something like "Time flies, but things change more than you ever thought possible." To me that would be the ultimate truth in my life. But then again, maybe that's it, maybe this is only reconcieable with my life.
As I sit here reflecting on where I was this time a year ago, i'm in actual awe of how much things have changed. I'm blown away by how different circumstances are. How different I am. How I never could've imagined that I would be in the place I am today. Because what I thought, and from the way things seemed to be going, where I am now isn't even in the same hemisphere.I'm always amazed that when you reach a point in life where you really can't imagine things going better, God grabs ahold of you and your entire world and shakes everything up. Suddenly you're flying upside down in a spiral with no sight of the end and you don't have any idea of what's going to happen next. I never would've thought that a year ago i'd be having the thoughts I am. I couldn't have imagined reflecting on the year I just lived, the hardest year of my life, and saying that I am truly grateful for every moment. A year ago, I was anticipating so much. I suppose I was cheating in the sense that I knew this past year was going to be eventful, life changing, the most important year of my life. Granted, this was only becuase a year ago, I was getting ready to do some amazing things that I had only dreamed about forever. However, even though I knew it would be the most eventful year of my life to date, I didn't think it would be anything like it was. I think back to how nervous I was at this time a year ago, I was so unsure and dependent on things that I shouldn't have been dependent on. I was so sure I knew who I was, and what life probably held for me. Little did I know, that everything I thought I knew was about to change completly. This year has been the hardest, most challenging, difficult, hurtful year i've ever lived. I never thought I would go through heartbreak and not only live through it, but learn from it. I never thought that I would reach such a place of self-loathing and rock bottom, and have to cry out with everything I am to my Savior. I never thought that absolutely everything I ever believed would be questioned, and that I would truly have to fight for truth. I never thought I would meet the people I did, experience the things I have, and find a deep love and compassion for mankind. I never would've tought that I would go from being sure of who I was, to having everything change, to having to piece together who I was, who I am now, and who I am going to be. And while i'm not through the fire completly yet, I see the end of this chapter coming near. It's completly ironic actually, that it has almost been a year. I'm hoping that this new year brings the joy that i've felt i've lost, the peace that I long to bask in, and the ability to trust in love again. Through it all, there has been one thing that has remained the same. My Savior has never let me go. I'm not sure what this coming year, or the years after this one hold. I don't know if anything i'm anticipating will actually happen, but I do know this, I serve the creator of absolutely everything. I am so miniscule in the grand scheme of everything, yet he treasures my life and my world. He holds it all, and everything that happens is part of his bigger plan. So wherever I am a year from now, reflecting on what happened in this year, I know that no matter whatever challenges, whatever victories, whatever happens my Savior is crafting each second. And that whatever I think should be, is nothing compared to what he knows should be.
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