The new chapter on my journey

Monday. September 29. 9 days after my 23rd birthday. I drove to work that morning, praising The Lord. It was a really good morning. I felt His deep peace. I remember thinking how incredible it was that through everything, he always held me. In fact, I had had a conversation about that very fact with a dear friend just the day before. I was talking about how God had never not provided for me. The irony of that still astounds me. I pull up to the house of the family I nannied for, and walked to the door. It had been a 3 day weekend for me, and I had missed the sweet little girls I watched. I was greated with huge hugs and giggles, and my heart soared. A few days earlier, I had had the great delight of getting to see the two families I had previously nannied for. Each of them assuring me how much they still loved me even though I wasn't a part of their every day life. That I was, and always would be their family. The mom I nannied for offered to take her eldest to school that morning, and when she got back asked if she could talk to me. With tears in her eyes, she told me that she had lost her job the previous Friday, and that because of that they wouldn't be able to keep me on. We began to talk, and I could tell her heart was broken. I felt so sad for her. But I was also very excited that she would get to spend her days with her precious girls. She kept apologizing, and I kept assuring her that it was alright. And here's the craziest thing...it WAS. I had just bought a new car, moved out of my parents home for the first time a few months before, and had no job prospects whatsoever. She let me go early that day so I could begin the job hunt. I cried a little. But not because I was really sad. It was more because I felt like I had to. But as I was driving, I began talking to Jesus. Isn't it marvelous that we can do that? And I just felt the deepest sense of peace I could. After going to visit my mom, to tell her what happened, I went back to my apartment and started looking at jobs. The very first one I saw stuck out to me like a lighthouse on the inkiest black night. It was  for a family with two children. One, a perfectly healthy little girl. The other, a little boy battling cancer. Instantly I knew that I wanted that job. Anyone who knows me, knows my history with cancer. It had bitten my world when I was only 11, through my sweet cousin Jayne who was also 11. Hers was a battle I would never forget. It had stayed with me and opened doors of opportunities to pursue friendships with other kids who had to face the devastation that is cancer. I went on to apply for about 30 other jobs. I don't like feeling like i'm treading water, so I was determined to find a new job within the week. There were lots of jobs that looked promising, but my mind kept going back to the first. About an hour after I filled out that first initial application, I got a call. I let it ring and go to voicemail because I didn't recognize the number. A minute later I was checking the message. It was from a woman who worked for a nanny agency. The agency trying to find a nanny for the little boy with cancer and his sister. I immediately called back, and from the first few sentences, she and I both knew this was my job. She even told me that my voicemail had been so encouraging to her. We set up a time to do my initial interview, and I stopped filling out applications. I told the other people who got back to me that I was pursuing another opportunity. I hadn't even had my interview with the agent, let alone the family. Two days later I met with the woman, and it was the best interview I had ever had. She told me that the family was looking for someone with a  deep faith, and she told me that somehow the situations where both parties are believers always seem to work out better than those who don't. I thought that was amazing. We set a time for my interview with the family and I left feeling so confident.

Three days later, I found myself driving up to the house of this new family I was about to meet. I talked to God the whole way, and took a deep breath as I rang the doorbell. I was greeted by a nice couple and a sweet little girl with pigtails and a sparkly headband. And then barreling down the hall, was a sweet bald head. From the moment I stepped through the door, I knew that God had placed me here. We began talking, and I asked what kind of cancer the little boy had. Shock and awe poured through me when I heard. He had Rhabdoyosarcoma. The same cancer my cousin Jayne had had. It was a different variety, but none the less, it is the rarest kind of pediatric cancer in the United States. I think that moment confirmed it for both of us.

The next day I had the job. The Lord provided a temporary nanny position for me while I wait for this new one to start. And the past couple of weeks have been so rough, but so good. I've had to come to terms with letting go of something I care deeply about, and embracing a new chapter with just myself and The Lord. I've had to learn that I am truly not in control. I have had to learn that no matter what, there is always someone who needs love, and it is my deepest obligation to be the giver of that love. I have learned that God really does open doors for things that our hearts desires, but many times he has to close other ones. And i've realized that this next year, my life will be devoted to loving for and caring for a spunky little two year old, and a sweet little boy with a battle. Today I met with the family to just go over some things. It was a blast. The mom and I were talking, and she handed me a huge binder. It was daunting. All the things I need to know about little man's cancer. But it didn't intimidate me. A few minutes later, little man comes and stands by me with his game, and I ask if he would like to sit with me. He says yes, and he sat there with me for a good 10 minutes. My heart was so full I could've cried. The weight of the responsibility I was taking on hit me. Not dealing with the cancer in a little boy. But the job to love he and his sister. Their parents. To walk this journey with them in such close corners. What an honor.


The whole time i've been writing this post, i've been listening to the song "It is Well" by Bethel, and I cannot get over how timely it is. For me. For this family. For all the things I can and ever will face. A hard path may seem daunting. But I welcome it with open arms, embracing what's to come because I know more now than I ever have before that I am exactly where I am meant to be. I know this post isn't a super topic, but it is very personal. I pray that it will give you hope to know that through it all, it is well.

Verse 1
Grander earth has quaked before
Moved by the sound of His voice
Seas that are shaken and stirred
Can be calmed and broken for my regard

Chorus
Through it all, through it all
My eyes are on You
Through it all, through it all
It is well

Through it all, through it all
My eyes are on You
It is well with me

Verse 2
Far be it from me to not believe
Even when my eyes can't see

And this mountain that's in front of me
Will be thrown into the midst of the sea

Chorus
Through it all, through it all
My eyes are on You
Through it all, through it all
It is well

Bridge x3
So let go my soul and trust in Him
The waves and wind still know His name(repeat last line during 3rd run)

It is well with my soul
It is well with my soul
It is well with my soul
It is well with my soul

Through it all, through it all
My eyes are on You Lord
Through it all, through it all
It is well with me.

http://youtu.be/YNqo4Un2uZI