To the love of my life,
You've been on my mind so much lately. In my thoughts, my prayers, my hopes and dreams. It's almost as if I can feel you. Waiting for me, praying for me, falling in love with me even now. This concept may seem crazy. The fact is, I don't know who you are. I don't know if we've met, where you're living, or if at this moment you're reading this. I don't even know if you love the Lord yet, but I know deep in my soul, that you are mine. And it's strange, because that knowing does not fill me with a sense of urgency, but rather that of peace. It's new for me, this concept of peace. I look back at my life, where I've wondered where you are, who you are, when you'd come to me; and I remember being so scared that you would never find me. I felt like I had to work so hard because otherwise I would miss you. But the truth is, in doing that, I walked a lot of paths that kept me from the thing that was the most important. I tried to find you in my own strength. I relied on movies I saw and books I read to show me what true love was, but it always left me craving something deeper. Longing for something more. And it has taken me 23 years to realize it, but you are not what i'm looking for. It is only recently that I have found what it truly important in this life. It's something I know that you have discovered as well. Or will discover in the future. The most important thing in this life is not to fall in love with each other, it's to fall in love with our Savior. And it breaks my heart to say this, but I didn't ever let myself fully find satisfaction in Jesus until a few months ago. Sure, I would pray and serve and worship Jesus with most of my heart, but there was always a piece I was holding onto. A piece I had reserved for you thinking that Jesus would understand that in order to love you I would have to hold onto it. But I was so very wrong. Because nothing has been more incredible than letting myself be fully His. And I believe in the depths of me, that it is making me into the woman I'm supposed to be every day. The woman you'll fall in love with. I'm no longer pining after you, no longer trying to convince God that the wrong one is you. Because the truth is, I won't have a doubt when it comes to you. I don't know if I'll know instantly, or if it will take a long time for my heart to wake up to you, but I know a few things for certain. I will fall in love with you because of your heart for The Lord. I will fall in love with you because of your compassion. I will fall in love with the way you laugh, and the way you lead. I will encourage your masculinity as you encourage my femininity. I will respect you and point you to Christ. I will honor you and your leadership. How do I know this? Because I pray for it every single day. I pray for you every single day. And I pray for me, that God would build those qualities up in me, every single day. And most of all, because I'm learning all of those attributes from the one who created them. I do not yet know you, my love. Or if I do, I don't know that you're the one intended to be my forever. Just the very thought that I may know you, or meet you tomorrow, or really any time in the future sets my heart racing. But it's not the thing I dwell on the most. What I dwell on the most is loving Christ, loving others, and trying to live this life as he's called me to. Our adventure will come, I have no doubt. But in the mean time, I don't want to be sitting around waiting for you. I want to be living life for Jesus, trusting that he knows when you're supposed to come in. Because what better way is there to learn to love? And whether it takes 10 seconds or 10 years for me to realize you're it, know that I am waiting patiently for you. Know that no matter what we will go through to finally come together, it will be worth it in the end. Know that when you can't seem to capture the attention of the pretty girl in your small group, I am waiting to be captured by you. The road may seem long and unending now, but don't lose heart my love. I praise God that He knows and that we don't have to worry about it. That each day is a chance to learn and grow. That the heart breaks and heart ache are only preparation for our future. And that in just the right time, at just the right moment, we will know. We will be able to face all the hardship life throws our way, because we know where our strength comes from. I can't wait for our adventure to begin. I can't wait to change the world with you.
All my love now and forever,
Kimberly
http://youtu.be/4bTjDace9nY
Monday, December 29, 2014
Saturday, December 20, 2014
To all the beautiful girls
The past few days have been really hard for me. I caught a nasty cold, and as a result I've had to stay locked up in my apartment. Not because I feel particularly awful, but because I can't do my job unless I feel 100% well. And even though the strict regiment of medicine and vitamin C is seemingly doing it's work, I am DETERMINED to get better by Monday so I can return to my work. I love my job. However, I have consequently been forced into the boring routine of Facebook, movies, more Facebook and more movies. I suppose I could do something productive like work on my novel, but of course being faced with endless hours of nothing to do creates immense writers block. But in the middle of my boredom with hours upon hours of social media, I've noticed something amazing. Women are beautiful. Now, don't get me wrong, i've noticed this before, but since it's been staring me in the face for the past 72 hours I can't help but be blown away by the fact.
Now, I hope you don't take this in a creepy way. I'm as straight as they come, but I have to say that in the last 3 days I have found myself just being proud to be a woman because we are simply breathtaking! I think it's so cool that females get to radiate beauty. What a rare and precious gift we're allowed. I think the thing I've noticed the most is the incredible difference in beauties. There are so many different kinds and it's amazing. I've read so many articles, seen so many instagram posts, seen dozens of luminous smiles and it makes me so proud. Women who are mothers, authors, bloggers, doctors, singers, nannies, youth leaders, sports lovers, tomboys, fashionistas, etc. I love it. I'll admit, there have been more than a few times in my life that I have looked at women who were vastly different than me, and I've burned green with envy. I've convinced myself that in order to be successful as a woman, I had to change myself to be more like that one woman who seemingly had it all. I convinced myself that in order to be pretty, I had to ditch the jeans and baseball caps, and strut my stuff in heels and pearls. That I probably shouldn't yell at the TV during football games so much because it really wasn't lady like. That I had to put down other women in order to build myself up.
But ladies, enough is enough. As I read different articles, blogs, saw videos, photo albums of amazing trips you've all been on, I began to realize that I don't envy you at all. I celebrate you! Because femininity at it's core isn't just one thing. It's a beautifully individualistic thing that God has given every single female. And it's something, I've realized that Satan is trying to diminish. He's trying to convince us that we should be just like men, or at least have the option to be. He is trying to convince us that the only true form of femininity is sensuality. He is trying to convince us that if we don't want a man to see us as "too much" we have to fit into a certain mold. He is whispering in our ears that everyone else is better than us. And it's ALL a lie.
YOU my dear sister are beautiful. Not just because you have a million watt smile, but because that smile brings warmth and comfort. You are valuable. Not because you have a boyfriend, but because from the moment God created the heavens and the earth he thought you up. You have a divine purpose, and it has nothing to do with how many degrees you do or don't have. It has to do with the fact that when God thought you up, he thought of the exact moment he wanted you to enter this earth, the exact place he wanted you, the exact plans he has for you. You are gorgeous. Not because you look like your idea of perfection. But because you don't. Because the freckles on your nose, and your crooked teeth add character to who you are. Because your heart floods everyone around you with the love of Jesus. You're amazing because you're soft and delicate. You're amazing because you're strong and courageous. You're amazing because you are fearfully and wonderfully made.
So my dear sister, I promise you this: I promise to build you up and not tear you down. I promise to speak words of life over you, not words of death. I promise to celebrate with you in your creativity and talents, and to not tear them down to make myself look better. I promise to encourage you in your dreams. I promise to not let you talk down to yourself. I promise to not talk down about myself either. I promise to remind you that you are more than enough. I promise to encourage true femininity in you, not the cheap imitation stuff that makes up the world around us. I am proud of you, beautiful girl. I am amazed by you. And I am so thankful that God made you as a reminder of who he is. Because that's who you are. Someone who encompasses who God is. Don't you ever forget that.
Now, I hope you don't take this in a creepy way. I'm as straight as they come, but I have to say that in the last 3 days I have found myself just being proud to be a woman because we are simply breathtaking! I think it's so cool that females get to radiate beauty. What a rare and precious gift we're allowed. I think the thing I've noticed the most is the incredible difference in beauties. There are so many different kinds and it's amazing. I've read so many articles, seen so many instagram posts, seen dozens of luminous smiles and it makes me so proud. Women who are mothers, authors, bloggers, doctors, singers, nannies, youth leaders, sports lovers, tomboys, fashionistas, etc. I love it. I'll admit, there have been more than a few times in my life that I have looked at women who were vastly different than me, and I've burned green with envy. I've convinced myself that in order to be successful as a woman, I had to change myself to be more like that one woman who seemingly had it all. I convinced myself that in order to be pretty, I had to ditch the jeans and baseball caps, and strut my stuff in heels and pearls. That I probably shouldn't yell at the TV during football games so much because it really wasn't lady like. That I had to put down other women in order to build myself up.
But ladies, enough is enough. As I read different articles, blogs, saw videos, photo albums of amazing trips you've all been on, I began to realize that I don't envy you at all. I celebrate you! Because femininity at it's core isn't just one thing. It's a beautifully individualistic thing that God has given every single female. And it's something, I've realized that Satan is trying to diminish. He's trying to convince us that we should be just like men, or at least have the option to be. He is trying to convince us that the only true form of femininity is sensuality. He is trying to convince us that if we don't want a man to see us as "too much" we have to fit into a certain mold. He is whispering in our ears that everyone else is better than us. And it's ALL a lie.
YOU my dear sister are beautiful. Not just because you have a million watt smile, but because that smile brings warmth and comfort. You are valuable. Not because you have a boyfriend, but because from the moment God created the heavens and the earth he thought you up. You have a divine purpose, and it has nothing to do with how many degrees you do or don't have. It has to do with the fact that when God thought you up, he thought of the exact moment he wanted you to enter this earth, the exact place he wanted you, the exact plans he has for you. You are gorgeous. Not because you look like your idea of perfection. But because you don't. Because the freckles on your nose, and your crooked teeth add character to who you are. Because your heart floods everyone around you with the love of Jesus. You're amazing because you're soft and delicate. You're amazing because you're strong and courageous. You're amazing because you are fearfully and wonderfully made.
So my dear sister, I promise you this: I promise to build you up and not tear you down. I promise to speak words of life over you, not words of death. I promise to celebrate with you in your creativity and talents, and to not tear them down to make myself look better. I promise to encourage you in your dreams. I promise to not let you talk down to yourself. I promise to not talk down about myself either. I promise to remind you that you are more than enough. I promise to encourage true femininity in you, not the cheap imitation stuff that makes up the world around us. I am proud of you, beautiful girl. I am amazed by you. And I am so thankful that God made you as a reminder of who he is. Because that's who you are. Someone who encompasses who God is. Don't you ever forget that.
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