To My Future Husband

To the love of my life,

You've been on my mind so much lately. In my thoughts, my prayers, my hopes and dreams. It's almost as if I can feel you. Waiting for me, praying for me, falling in love with me even now. This concept may seem crazy. The fact is, I don't know who you are. I don't know if we've met, where you're living, or if at this moment you're reading this. I don't even know if you love the Lord yet, but I know deep in my soul, that you are mine.  And it's strange, because that knowing does not fill me with a sense of urgency, but rather that of peace. It's new for me, this concept of peace. I look back at my life, where I've wondered where you are, who you are, when you'd come to me; and I remember being so scared that you would never find me. I felt like I had to work so hard because otherwise I would miss you. But the truth is, in doing that, I walked a lot of paths that kept me from the thing that was the most important. I tried to find you in my own strength. I relied on movies I saw and books I read to show me what true love was, but it always left me craving something deeper. Longing for something more. And it has taken me 23 years to realize it, but you are not what i'm looking for. It is only recently that I have found what it truly important in this life. It's something I know that you have discovered as well. Or will discover in the future. The most important thing in this life is not to fall in love with each other, it's to fall in love with our Savior. And it breaks my heart to say this, but I didn't ever let myself fully find satisfaction in Jesus until a few months ago. Sure, I would pray and serve and worship Jesus with most of my heart, but there was always a piece I was holding onto. A piece I had reserved for you thinking that Jesus would understand that in order to love you I would have to hold onto it. But I was so very wrong. Because nothing has been more incredible than letting myself be fully His. And I believe in the depths of me, that it is making me into the woman I'm supposed to be every day. The woman you'll fall in love with. I'm no longer pining after you, no longer trying to convince God that the wrong one is you. Because the truth is, I won't have a doubt when it comes to you. I don't know if I'll know instantly, or if it will take a long time for my heart to wake up to you, but I know a few things for certain. I will fall in love with you because of your heart for The Lord. I will fall in love with you because of your compassion. I will fall in love with the way you laugh, and the way you lead. I will encourage your masculinity as you encourage my femininity. I will respect you and point you to Christ. I will honor you and your leadership. How do I know this? Because I pray for it every single day. I pray for you every single day. And I pray for me, that God would build those qualities up in me, every single day. And most of all, because I'm learning all of those attributes from the one who created them. I do not yet know you, my love. Or if I do, I don't know that you're the one intended to be my forever. Just the very thought that I may know you, or meet you tomorrow, or really any time in the future sets my heart racing. But it's not the thing I dwell on the most. What I dwell on the most is loving Christ, loving others, and trying to live this life as he's called me to. Our adventure will come, I have no doubt. But in the mean time, I don't want to be sitting around waiting for you. I want to be living life for Jesus, trusting that he knows when you're supposed to come in. Because what better way is there to learn to love? And whether it takes 10 seconds or 10 years for me to realize you're it, know that I am waiting patiently for you. Know that no matter what we will go through to finally come together, it will be worth it in the end. Know that when you can't seem to capture the attention of the pretty girl in your small group, I am waiting to be captured by you. The road may seem long and unending now, but don't lose heart my love. I praise God that He knows and that we don't have to worry about it. That each day is a chance to learn and grow. That the heart breaks and heart ache are only preparation for our future. And that in just the right time, at just the right moment, we will know. We will be able to face all the hardship life throws our way, because we know where our strength comes from. I can't wait for our adventure to begin. I can't wait to change the world with you.

All my love now and forever,
Kimberly



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