Okay, so I know the title of this post may come across as a bit shocking. To be honest, I've debated whether to write on this subject for a REALLY long time. For some reason, it seems like it's "taboo" to be a young woman in the church today, and discuss the very real world of purity, chastity, and premarital sex. Let me take that back, purity and chastity are encouraged slightly, though not with any good reason, and unfortunately, once you reach an age that the world deems "too old to be a virgin," so many young people give in. Actually, people not only outside of the church, but an absurd amount within the church fall into the trap of premarital sex. Now, before I go any further, I just want to assure anyone reading this that I don't condemn you nor do I condone anything that has transpired in your past... Or really, for anything in your present and future. To be fair, my job is not to be a judge, it's to love and point people to Christ through the example he gave me in his word. That's truth whether I agree with you or not, and whether you agree with me or not. So with that being said, let's move forward.
I wanted to write this post for many reasons. First of which, is that I didn't realize how rare it was for a woman (or man) my age to still be a virgin at 22 years old, by choice. Growing up in Christian School maybe blinded me to a lot of the realities, but when I entered the real world it quickly became apparent that I was the exception. I remember other students in my college courses teasing me mercilessly for holding out until I am married to the man I KNOW God has for me. It all started one day when one of them asked what the ring on my left ring finger was. They knew I wasn't in a relationship, yet they knew that the ring was a permanent feature. I'd like to tell you that I answered boldly and confidently that I was waiting for my future husband, and I didn't care if they thought I was silly. Instead, I somehow lost my usual spitfire ways and half-heartedly explained. To this day I'm not sure why I answered the way I did. But regardless, it didn't stop them from making it one of their favorite topics to talk about. At first, it sort of infuriated me. The people I was in school with were mainly male, and I thought they were just being perverted about everything. But as time went on, I slowly began to realize that something I treasured and held so close to my heart, was something that was intriguing for people who chose to live differently than me. I realized that by me being a virgin, it meant so much more than just waiting for my husband and a beautiful marriage. It is an ability to show people how different a life with Christ can be. Let me explain a little. Growing up, I was taught like everyone else that sex was to be for marriage. It was honestly not even a thought of mine until I began high school and realized some pretty cool things. First, is that physical intimacy isn't meant to be selfish. I don't just mean with sex, I mean with any physical intimacy. I've always wondered why something as simple as holding hands can feel wrong, when it's a very sweet, pure expression of feeling. But that's just it, most of the time in the dating world, physical intimacy of any kind is used to please the person giving it, not the one receiving it. I think if we stopped and actually took physical intimacy for what it is- a way to express a deep feeling for someone, things like casual sex wouldn't even exist. I also realized that entering into physical intimacy with someone on a sexual level is the deepest you can ever be with someone physically, spiritually, and emotionally. I knew that I only wanted that with one person ever. My decision to wait was made pretty early on. I've always had high physical standards in relationships, and while there are things I could say I "regret" in relationships, really and truly, I thank The Lord for the things he showed me. Someday giving myself to my husband is going to be a true gift. ANYWAY, back from my rabbit trail, here we go. So I finally decided to write this post, because quite frankly, I am sick and tired of the over-sexualized world we live in today. Can I tell you how frustrating it is to go out with guy after guy, date after date, waiting for a man to be a strong leader and protector, someone who truly values your worth, not your body, and find out that even the "best" Christian guys still want to push your limits? Because well, it is. And I've experienced that guy more times than I can count. Out of the many guys I've dated, there's only been one ever that I truly felt ever respected me, and his future wife and my future husband in the relationship. That's probably why he ended up being my boyfriend. Even though I know the future doesn't hold us being together, I find myself longing for that again. So many times people ask my why I don't just " get it over with." They say I'll realize it's " not that big of a deal," and that it's just a fun, physical part of a relationship. And that to me, is completely cringe worthy. That in and of itself is a huge problem in society today. I'm just going to go ahead and throw it out there and say that I believe 100% of people who are having sex outside of marriage, or sex just for fun are missing out on the most amazing gift they could ever had. Yep, I said it. Argue with me, say I don't know what I'm talking about because I haven't experienced it. You're right, sex, I've never experienced, but Jesus, I absolutely have. I believe that when things are done the way Christ has created them to be done, the most amazing blessings can happen. Now, don't get me wrong, I think that every single person, every single couple can have that amazing gift. God isn't a God of grace and redemption and restoration for no reason! I'm just saying that if we actually started treating one another, and the relationships we've been given with true love and respect, we could all have an amazing love story. Because true love is sacrifice, not selfishness. Most of you reading my blog know that I volunteer with the youth at my church. I absolutely love it. There are times I get discouraged in this journey of waiting for my Man of God. I wonder if all the talk around me is actually truth, and I grow weary. But then I talk to one of the teenage girls in my life... I can't tell you how many have told me that they look up to me so much because I try my best to live my life for The Lord. And let's face it, whether we like it or not, most of those girls come to me with boy stuff. I had one of the girls I mentor tell me a few weeks ago, " You know, the stories of women who have messed up with guys and then have that part of their life restored are really cool, don't get me wrong...but it's so encouraging to see you holding out for that. It makes me realize I can do it too." Okay, if I had no other reason for waiting, that statement would be my reason. I try not to let that part of who I am define me, but the older I get, the more I realize what a gift it is to the world! I look around at our society and my heart breaks. The world is in a rat race trying to find love. People sing about it, talk about it, write about it, think about it constantly. We all know the typical Christian answer is that God is the only one that can fill that void for love we feel. I agree! But what about this idea; maybe we all long for love and companionship so much because Christ CREATED us that way? Crazy thought, right? But I'll be honest, the relationships and marriages I admire and want to emulate most are the ones where Christ is the absolute center of all of it. He's the all consuming of the two individuals, that when it comes to their relationship, he stitches up the things that fairytales are made of. I see these couples endure life's hardest tragedies, yet still find deep love in the middle. I watch them rejoice together in the happy times and my heart rejoices right with them. I long for that kind of love someday, and I know that IT IS THE KIND OF LOVE CHRIST INTENDED US TO HAVE! How unbelievable is that? He simply asks us to follow his path to get that kind of love. So simple, yet so many give up before they even start because settling for a cheap imitation is easier.
Again, I know this is a controversial topic... to be honest, I wasn't quite sure I was going to post this after I wrote it. But then I realized why not? Why not be an encouragement? I don't know how it'll be received or what people will say, but quite frankly I wish someone would've shared the things I've learned with me when I was younger. If this post has offended you, I'm sorry. It isn't ever my intention to be brazen or loose lipped. But I just really felt like it needed to be said. So with that, I just want to close by saying if you've messed up, then run to the cross. Jesus IS the true redeemer and restorer and I PROMISE he can and will restore any broken part of your life. And if you're the position I'm in, stay strong. And for all of us, keep praying and waiting patiently for the Man or Woman God has created for you. They ARE out there. Remember the true gift that loving another person is. Honor them, respect them even now because it'll be worth it in the end.
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