Wow. As I sit down to write this, I have a lot of thoughts swirling through my head. A lot of them are good thoughts. Things I should've shared months ago, but I haven't. Time is a funny thing indeed. My last entry was in December. Christmastime. It really doesn't seem that long ago, until I realize I haven't written in a quarter of a year. That's astounding to me. I can use all of the excuses in the book about being too busy, not having things to write about, etc. But the truth is, for whatever reason I have been feeling so insecure about writing things The Lord puts on my heart. And the truth is until very recently, I wasn't sure why. But as I look back on what has occurred in the year 2014 already, I have an answer. This year has been one of the best so far, yet it's been filled with a ton of Spiritual Battles. Not just attack, but full fledged battles. I am in a stage in my life where I am having to fight for righteousness or give into worldliness. And to be honest, I'm so excited about that.
For this whole year I have been plagued with the thoughts of what it means to live righteously for Christ. There are so many types of Christians, that honestly it gets incredibly confusing. You have extremes on both ends of the spectrum. Those who live a very structured Christian life. Have you ever seen the show 19 Kids and Counting? That's the life I'm talking about. A great Christian family who lives a very strict life. People like that have always intrigued me. Probably because I'm so different from them. I think their dedication is truly amazing, but I've come to the conclusion that I could never live like that. I'm far too opinionated and loud. I also really like country music. I find myself admiring them, but then I start to feel bad about myself, and I know that's not from Christ. Then there's the other extreme form of Christianity, where everything goes. Grace is just a get out of jail free card. You can go get drunk every weekend, sleep around, curse, cheat, lie, etc. and God's grace is always there to catch you. I'll be honest, it's hard for me not to judge that lifestyle. I DO believe God's grace is there, but then I also believe that he has called us to live a life worthy of His calling. So then I start to feel superior. And then there's me. I seem to be somewhere smack dab in the middle of all of this, trying to figure out which is "The best Christian way to live." And the funny thing about time, the funny thing about life, is that we're constantly growing, changing, and learning. What I thought about Jesus and my faith 5 years ago, has changed so drastically, even though he remains the same. But I think that's the problem. We as Christians get SO caught up in trying to figure out the best way to present our Christian life to the world, that we forget to really live it. Believe me, I'm right there with you. I worry about how people will view certain things, instead of truly just living them out. Is that not silly? There's a possibility that I am the only one who is this way...but somehow I doubt it.
For the past few years, the week before Easter has been incredibly significant to me. Somehow it feels like Jesus is showing me more and more what his sacrifice actually meant. I went to my Church's Easter play last night, and it again struck me just HOW awesome my Jesus is. Sacrifice isn't just a pretty, fancy word we use to describe what Jesus did. It was an actual, real thing that we so easily forget. I'm often baffled by the fact that he not only came to earth and took on the form of man, died a horrendous painful death that he didn't deserve, battled Satan in hell so that YOU AND I can have eternal life....and we so often throw it back in his face. It brings tears to my eyes just thinking about that. Thinking about the times that I've been more concerned about MY image, than his. And that's what it is, isn't it? We're concerned about how our Christian life will look because it effects US not HIM. And that's when I realized, that the example of how to live the best Christian life was found in the living, breathing, Word of God Himself. There are countless stories of men and women standing for Christ, and bringing his Kingdom to earth. And the coolest part of all of it, is that they were all SO different. It might be astounding, but I never really realized that before. We all have our favorite characters and stories in the Bible. Maybe it's because we resemble them in some way... or maybe it's because we'd like to. Regardless we have an amazing book full of truth, and full of people who all lived their extraordinary lives for Christ. It's pretty amazing! So instead of worrying how we look, we should be thinking about what the truths that each of these people followed are. We have ALL sinned and fallen short of the glory of God. That's a given. His grace covers our sin, absolutely. But what am I doing to live a life worthy of his calling? What are you doing? Are you just doing the minimum amount you think will get you a decent sized crown in Heaven? Or are you truly living sold out and on fire for Him? I don't know about you, but I want to live with reckless abandon for Christ. I want to have no regard for the criticism I may get from being His alone. I know we hear all the time that we have the power to change the world... but when will we actually start believing it? Maybe this is a rant, maybe it's only a personal struggle of mine. But I don't want to just live good enough anymore. Jesus Christ dying on the cross wasn't just good enough. It was the ultimate sacrifice, so that we could live. Why would we not give our ultimate sacrifice back?
I'm starting to pull into the strength of Christ, and let these insecurities of sharing his love and truth go. It saddens me that I've let it plague me for this long. But I'm ready for the battles now, and I'm not backing down. I want to live each precious day on earth like it's the day Jesus is coming back. Unafraid of what people think of me, so long as Christ is always shining through. That's my hearts deepest desire. I can't wait to see the body of Christ rise up and stand boldly once again. Because I know beyond a shadow of a doubt, our sacrifice for our Jesus will be worth it when we're all worshiping in eternity!
No comments:
Post a Comment