To the love of my life,
You've been on my mind so much lately. In my thoughts, my prayers, my hopes and dreams. It's almost as if I can feel you. Waiting for me, praying for me, falling in love with me even now. This concept may seem crazy. The fact is, I don't know who you are. I don't know if we've met, where you're living, or if at this moment you're reading this. I don't even know if you love the Lord yet, but I know deep in my soul, that you are mine. And it's strange, because that knowing does not fill me with a sense of urgency, but rather that of peace. It's new for me, this concept of peace. I look back at my life, where I've wondered where you are, who you are, when you'd come to me; and I remember being so scared that you would never find me. I felt like I had to work so hard because otherwise I would miss you. But the truth is, in doing that, I walked a lot of paths that kept me from the thing that was the most important. I tried to find you in my own strength. I relied on movies I saw and books I read to show me what true love was, but it always left me craving something deeper. Longing for something more. And it has taken me 23 years to realize it, but you are not what i'm looking for. It is only recently that I have found what it truly important in this life. It's something I know that you have discovered as well. Or will discover in the future. The most important thing in this life is not to fall in love with each other, it's to fall in love with our Savior. And it breaks my heart to say this, but I didn't ever let myself fully find satisfaction in Jesus until a few months ago. Sure, I would pray and serve and worship Jesus with most of my heart, but there was always a piece I was holding onto. A piece I had reserved for you thinking that Jesus would understand that in order to love you I would have to hold onto it. But I was so very wrong. Because nothing has been more incredible than letting myself be fully His. And I believe in the depths of me, that it is making me into the woman I'm supposed to be every day. The woman you'll fall in love with. I'm no longer pining after you, no longer trying to convince God that the wrong one is you. Because the truth is, I won't have a doubt when it comes to you. I don't know if I'll know instantly, or if it will take a long time for my heart to wake up to you, but I know a few things for certain. I will fall in love with you because of your heart for The Lord. I will fall in love with you because of your compassion. I will fall in love with the way you laugh, and the way you lead. I will encourage your masculinity as you encourage my femininity. I will respect you and point you to Christ. I will honor you and your leadership. How do I know this? Because I pray for it every single day. I pray for you every single day. And I pray for me, that God would build those qualities up in me, every single day. And most of all, because I'm learning all of those attributes from the one who created them. I do not yet know you, my love. Or if I do, I don't know that you're the one intended to be my forever. Just the very thought that I may know you, or meet you tomorrow, or really any time in the future sets my heart racing. But it's not the thing I dwell on the most. What I dwell on the most is loving Christ, loving others, and trying to live this life as he's called me to. Our adventure will come, I have no doubt. But in the mean time, I don't want to be sitting around waiting for you. I want to be living life for Jesus, trusting that he knows when you're supposed to come in. Because what better way is there to learn to love? And whether it takes 10 seconds or 10 years for me to realize you're it, know that I am waiting patiently for you. Know that no matter what we will go through to finally come together, it will be worth it in the end. Know that when you can't seem to capture the attention of the pretty girl in your small group, I am waiting to be captured by you. The road may seem long and unending now, but don't lose heart my love. I praise God that He knows and that we don't have to worry about it. That each day is a chance to learn and grow. That the heart breaks and heart ache are only preparation for our future. And that in just the right time, at just the right moment, we will know. We will be able to face all the hardship life throws our way, because we know where our strength comes from. I can't wait for our adventure to begin. I can't wait to change the world with you.
All my love now and forever,
Kimberly
http://youtu.be/4bTjDace9nY
Monday, December 29, 2014
Saturday, December 20, 2014
To all the beautiful girls
The past few days have been really hard for me. I caught a nasty cold, and as a result I've had to stay locked up in my apartment. Not because I feel particularly awful, but because I can't do my job unless I feel 100% well. And even though the strict regiment of medicine and vitamin C is seemingly doing it's work, I am DETERMINED to get better by Monday so I can return to my work. I love my job. However, I have consequently been forced into the boring routine of Facebook, movies, more Facebook and more movies. I suppose I could do something productive like work on my novel, but of course being faced with endless hours of nothing to do creates immense writers block. But in the middle of my boredom with hours upon hours of social media, I've noticed something amazing. Women are beautiful. Now, don't get me wrong, i've noticed this before, but since it's been staring me in the face for the past 72 hours I can't help but be blown away by the fact.
Now, I hope you don't take this in a creepy way. I'm as straight as they come, but I have to say that in the last 3 days I have found myself just being proud to be a woman because we are simply breathtaking! I think it's so cool that females get to radiate beauty. What a rare and precious gift we're allowed. I think the thing I've noticed the most is the incredible difference in beauties. There are so many different kinds and it's amazing. I've read so many articles, seen so many instagram posts, seen dozens of luminous smiles and it makes me so proud. Women who are mothers, authors, bloggers, doctors, singers, nannies, youth leaders, sports lovers, tomboys, fashionistas, etc. I love it. I'll admit, there have been more than a few times in my life that I have looked at women who were vastly different than me, and I've burned green with envy. I've convinced myself that in order to be successful as a woman, I had to change myself to be more like that one woman who seemingly had it all. I convinced myself that in order to be pretty, I had to ditch the jeans and baseball caps, and strut my stuff in heels and pearls. That I probably shouldn't yell at the TV during football games so much because it really wasn't lady like. That I had to put down other women in order to build myself up.
But ladies, enough is enough. As I read different articles, blogs, saw videos, photo albums of amazing trips you've all been on, I began to realize that I don't envy you at all. I celebrate you! Because femininity at it's core isn't just one thing. It's a beautifully individualistic thing that God has given every single female. And it's something, I've realized that Satan is trying to diminish. He's trying to convince us that we should be just like men, or at least have the option to be. He is trying to convince us that the only true form of femininity is sensuality. He is trying to convince us that if we don't want a man to see us as "too much" we have to fit into a certain mold. He is whispering in our ears that everyone else is better than us. And it's ALL a lie.
YOU my dear sister are beautiful. Not just because you have a million watt smile, but because that smile brings warmth and comfort. You are valuable. Not because you have a boyfriend, but because from the moment God created the heavens and the earth he thought you up. You have a divine purpose, and it has nothing to do with how many degrees you do or don't have. It has to do with the fact that when God thought you up, he thought of the exact moment he wanted you to enter this earth, the exact place he wanted you, the exact plans he has for you. You are gorgeous. Not because you look like your idea of perfection. But because you don't. Because the freckles on your nose, and your crooked teeth add character to who you are. Because your heart floods everyone around you with the love of Jesus. You're amazing because you're soft and delicate. You're amazing because you're strong and courageous. You're amazing because you are fearfully and wonderfully made.
So my dear sister, I promise you this: I promise to build you up and not tear you down. I promise to speak words of life over you, not words of death. I promise to celebrate with you in your creativity and talents, and to not tear them down to make myself look better. I promise to encourage you in your dreams. I promise to not let you talk down to yourself. I promise to not talk down about myself either. I promise to remind you that you are more than enough. I promise to encourage true femininity in you, not the cheap imitation stuff that makes up the world around us. I am proud of you, beautiful girl. I am amazed by you. And I am so thankful that God made you as a reminder of who he is. Because that's who you are. Someone who encompasses who God is. Don't you ever forget that.
Now, I hope you don't take this in a creepy way. I'm as straight as they come, but I have to say that in the last 3 days I have found myself just being proud to be a woman because we are simply breathtaking! I think it's so cool that females get to radiate beauty. What a rare and precious gift we're allowed. I think the thing I've noticed the most is the incredible difference in beauties. There are so many different kinds and it's amazing. I've read so many articles, seen so many instagram posts, seen dozens of luminous smiles and it makes me so proud. Women who are mothers, authors, bloggers, doctors, singers, nannies, youth leaders, sports lovers, tomboys, fashionistas, etc. I love it. I'll admit, there have been more than a few times in my life that I have looked at women who were vastly different than me, and I've burned green with envy. I've convinced myself that in order to be successful as a woman, I had to change myself to be more like that one woman who seemingly had it all. I convinced myself that in order to be pretty, I had to ditch the jeans and baseball caps, and strut my stuff in heels and pearls. That I probably shouldn't yell at the TV during football games so much because it really wasn't lady like. That I had to put down other women in order to build myself up.
But ladies, enough is enough. As I read different articles, blogs, saw videos, photo albums of amazing trips you've all been on, I began to realize that I don't envy you at all. I celebrate you! Because femininity at it's core isn't just one thing. It's a beautifully individualistic thing that God has given every single female. And it's something, I've realized that Satan is trying to diminish. He's trying to convince us that we should be just like men, or at least have the option to be. He is trying to convince us that the only true form of femininity is sensuality. He is trying to convince us that if we don't want a man to see us as "too much" we have to fit into a certain mold. He is whispering in our ears that everyone else is better than us. And it's ALL a lie.
YOU my dear sister are beautiful. Not just because you have a million watt smile, but because that smile brings warmth and comfort. You are valuable. Not because you have a boyfriend, but because from the moment God created the heavens and the earth he thought you up. You have a divine purpose, and it has nothing to do with how many degrees you do or don't have. It has to do with the fact that when God thought you up, he thought of the exact moment he wanted you to enter this earth, the exact place he wanted you, the exact plans he has for you. You are gorgeous. Not because you look like your idea of perfection. But because you don't. Because the freckles on your nose, and your crooked teeth add character to who you are. Because your heart floods everyone around you with the love of Jesus. You're amazing because you're soft and delicate. You're amazing because you're strong and courageous. You're amazing because you are fearfully and wonderfully made.
So my dear sister, I promise you this: I promise to build you up and not tear you down. I promise to speak words of life over you, not words of death. I promise to celebrate with you in your creativity and talents, and to not tear them down to make myself look better. I promise to encourage you in your dreams. I promise to not let you talk down to yourself. I promise to not talk down about myself either. I promise to remind you that you are more than enough. I promise to encourage true femininity in you, not the cheap imitation stuff that makes up the world around us. I am proud of you, beautiful girl. I am amazed by you. And I am so thankful that God made you as a reminder of who he is. Because that's who you are. Someone who encompasses who God is. Don't you ever forget that.
Thursday, October 23, 2014
Today. Today
Today. Today has been hard and great all at the same time. I suppose that's how life has been a lot lately. Every day is filled with resounding joy, but also deep pain. But I wouldn't change it. This last month has really been the most challenging and rewarding one I think, of my entire life. Learning to put my sole trust in Christ while everything seems to fall apart, and everyone wants me to be something. Whether good or bad. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I'm right where God wants me, for His divine purpose. Today. Today was the first time I saw little man as the sick little boy he is, not the boy that I knew had cancer, but could only have known by his sparse head. He had his all day chemotherapy treatment yesterday, and today was hard. His agonizing cries, and the tears falling as he leaned his head over his yellow bucket to puke. his little head on my shoulder, and his little sister just trying to be a little girl. Yet all the while, knowing something is wrong with her big brother. All the while I'm trying to hold back tears. The vomit doesn't bother me, the solidarity of the day doesn't either. But I can't stop thinking of the family, of little man. Today. Today when little man's dad came in the afternoon to take him to the hospital for a shot, and getting a call from the parents saying they won't be home on time because little man spiked a fever,and me reassuring them that I will stay all night if need be.
But I can't stop thinking of the family. Of little man. It's not fair. Plain and simply. It isn't. Cancer is EVIL. Yet through all of it I STILL know that God is sovereign. This job is way harder than I anticipated it being. But... not in the way you would expect..
Today. Today out of the blue, I had a job offer to be on the radio again. They wanted me for sports radio or entertainment news. My choice. This is unheard of. Especially in Denver, and especially for a girl who's only experience was school, and an internship at KYGO. But I instantly turned them down. I told them I was caring for a very sick little boy and there was no way I would abandon him. I thanked him for the offer and told him I would let him no if anything changed, but I couldn't accept the offer. He was shocked. I think the majority of people would think I was crazy for doing such a thing. Radio is certainly a more established "career" than caring for kids. And I'm telling you right now that it is a far easier job than caring for kids is. Even when all of them are perfectly healthy. But the truth is, I don't want to just have a life and a career. I want my life to make a DIFFERENCE. No, the world doesn't see being a nanny as a big accomplishment... but I certainly do. What is more of an honor or ministry than getting to play an influential part in the life of a child? Honestly, it's hard to think of one. My being a voice on the radio, talking about Peyton Manning or Emma Watson would be a blast. I don't doubt that for a moment. But there's no depth to it. No life. I believe that any place you work is a place where you're presented with an opportunity to share Christ's love. In fact, it's more than just an opportunity, it's an obligation. But as the wisest man in the world, King Solomon said in Ecclesiastics, all of that is meaningless. I may never get to be an advocate for anything deemed great or important in this world. My voice may only reach a few. But as much as I fantasize about it, a life of fame is not what I'm seeking. What I'm seeking is a life full of Jesus. A life full of love. One so overflowing, that the love Christ has placed in me would refresh and renew the brokenness of those around me. THAT is the kind of life I long for. The legacy I want to leave behind. And as I spent today caring for two amazing kids, one fighting a devastating battle; I know beyond anything else that I'm right where God wants me. The world can say what they want about the path I'm on right now. But there will always be opportunities to make myself a "career" if that's the path God takes me on. So try as they might, they won't deter me from the path I'm on right now. Because I have an opportunity to love in a deeper way than I ever could've imagined. So today. Today was a great day.
But I can't stop thinking of the family. Of little man. It's not fair. Plain and simply. It isn't. Cancer is EVIL. Yet through all of it I STILL know that God is sovereign. This job is way harder than I anticipated it being. But... not in the way you would expect..
Today. Today out of the blue, I had a job offer to be on the radio again. They wanted me for sports radio or entertainment news. My choice. This is unheard of. Especially in Denver, and especially for a girl who's only experience was school, and an internship at KYGO. But I instantly turned them down. I told them I was caring for a very sick little boy and there was no way I would abandon him. I thanked him for the offer and told him I would let him no if anything changed, but I couldn't accept the offer. He was shocked. I think the majority of people would think I was crazy for doing such a thing. Radio is certainly a more established "career" than caring for kids. And I'm telling you right now that it is a far easier job than caring for kids is. Even when all of them are perfectly healthy. But the truth is, I don't want to just have a life and a career. I want my life to make a DIFFERENCE. No, the world doesn't see being a nanny as a big accomplishment... but I certainly do. What is more of an honor or ministry than getting to play an influential part in the life of a child? Honestly, it's hard to think of one. My being a voice on the radio, talking about Peyton Manning or Emma Watson would be a blast. I don't doubt that for a moment. But there's no depth to it. No life. I believe that any place you work is a place where you're presented with an opportunity to share Christ's love. In fact, it's more than just an opportunity, it's an obligation. But as the wisest man in the world, King Solomon said in Ecclesiastics, all of that is meaningless. I may never get to be an advocate for anything deemed great or important in this world. My voice may only reach a few. But as much as I fantasize about it, a life of fame is not what I'm seeking. What I'm seeking is a life full of Jesus. A life full of love. One so overflowing, that the love Christ has placed in me would refresh and renew the brokenness of those around me. THAT is the kind of life I long for. The legacy I want to leave behind. And as I spent today caring for two amazing kids, one fighting a devastating battle; I know beyond anything else that I'm right where God wants me. The world can say what they want about the path I'm on right now. But there will always be opportunities to make myself a "career" if that's the path God takes me on. So try as they might, they won't deter me from the path I'm on right now. Because I have an opportunity to love in a deeper way than I ever could've imagined. So today. Today was a great day.
Wednesday, October 15, 2014
The new chapter on my journey
Monday. September 29. 9 days after my 23rd birthday. I drove to work that morning, praising The Lord. It was a really good morning. I felt His deep peace. I remember thinking how incredible it was that through everything, he always held me. In fact, I had had a conversation about that very fact with a dear friend just the day before. I was talking about how God had never not provided for me. The irony of that still astounds me. I pull up to the house of the family I nannied for, and walked to the door. It had been a 3 day weekend for me, and I had missed the sweet little girls I watched. I was greated with huge hugs and giggles, and my heart soared. A few days earlier, I had had the great delight of getting to see the two families I had previously nannied for. Each of them assuring me how much they still loved me even though I wasn't a part of their every day life. That I was, and always would be their family. The mom I nannied for offered to take her eldest to school that morning, and when she got back asked if she could talk to me. With tears in her eyes, she told me that she had lost her job the previous Friday, and that because of that they wouldn't be able to keep me on. We began to talk, and I could tell her heart was broken. I felt so sad for her. But I was also very excited that she would get to spend her days with her precious girls. She kept apologizing, and I kept assuring her that it was alright. And here's the craziest thing...it WAS. I had just bought a new car, moved out of my parents home for the first time a few months before, and had no job prospects whatsoever. She let me go early that day so I could begin the job hunt. I cried a little. But not because I was really sad. It was more because I felt like I had to. But as I was driving, I began talking to Jesus. Isn't it marvelous that we can do that? And I just felt the deepest sense of peace I could. After going to visit my mom, to tell her what happened, I went back to my apartment and started looking at jobs. The very first one I saw stuck out to me like a lighthouse on the inkiest black night. It was for a family with two children. One, a perfectly healthy little girl. The other, a little boy battling cancer. Instantly I knew that I wanted that job. Anyone who knows me, knows my history with cancer. It had bitten my world when I was only 11, through my sweet cousin Jayne who was also 11. Hers was a battle I would never forget. It had stayed with me and opened doors of opportunities to pursue friendships with other kids who had to face the devastation that is cancer. I went on to apply for about 30 other jobs. I don't like feeling like i'm treading water, so I was determined to find a new job within the week. There were lots of jobs that looked promising, but my mind kept going back to the first. About an hour after I filled out that first initial application, I got a call. I let it ring and go to voicemail because I didn't recognize the number. A minute later I was checking the message. It was from a woman who worked for a nanny agency. The agency trying to find a nanny for the little boy with cancer and his sister. I immediately called back, and from the first few sentences, she and I both knew this was my job. She even told me that my voicemail had been so encouraging to her. We set up a time to do my initial interview, and I stopped filling out applications. I told the other people who got back to me that I was pursuing another opportunity. I hadn't even had my interview with the agent, let alone the family. Two days later I met with the woman, and it was the best interview I had ever had. She told me that the family was looking for someone with a deep faith, and she told me that somehow the situations where both parties are believers always seem to work out better than those who don't. I thought that was amazing. We set a time for my interview with the family and I left feeling so confident.
Three days later, I found myself driving up to the house of this new family I was about to meet. I talked to God the whole way, and took a deep breath as I rang the doorbell. I was greeted by a nice couple and a sweet little girl with pigtails and a sparkly headband. And then barreling down the hall, was a sweet bald head. From the moment I stepped through the door, I knew that God had placed me here. We began talking, and I asked what kind of cancer the little boy had. Shock and awe poured through me when I heard. He had Rhabdoyosarcoma. The same cancer my cousin Jayne had had. It was a different variety, but none the less, it is the rarest kind of pediatric cancer in the United States. I think that moment confirmed it for both of us.
The next day I had the job. The Lord provided a temporary nanny position for me while I wait for this new one to start. And the past couple of weeks have been so rough, but so good. I've had to come to terms with letting go of something I care deeply about, and embracing a new chapter with just myself and The Lord. I've had to learn that I am truly not in control. I have had to learn that no matter what, there is always someone who needs love, and it is my deepest obligation to be the giver of that love. I have learned that God really does open doors for things that our hearts desires, but many times he has to close other ones. And i've realized that this next year, my life will be devoted to loving for and caring for a spunky little two year old, and a sweet little boy with a battle. Today I met with the family to just go over some things. It was a blast. The mom and I were talking, and she handed me a huge binder. It was daunting. All the things I need to know about little man's cancer. But it didn't intimidate me. A few minutes later, little man comes and stands by me with his game, and I ask if he would like to sit with me. He says yes, and he sat there with me for a good 10 minutes. My heart was so full I could've cried. The weight of the responsibility I was taking on hit me. Not dealing with the cancer in a little boy. But the job to love he and his sister. Their parents. To walk this journey with them in such close corners. What an honor.
The whole time i've been writing this post, i've been listening to the song "It is Well" by Bethel, and I cannot get over how timely it is. For me. For this family. For all the things I can and ever will face. A hard path may seem daunting. But I welcome it with open arms, embracing what's to come because I know more now than I ever have before that I am exactly where I am meant to be. I know this post isn't a super topic, but it is very personal. I pray that it will give you hope to know that through it all, it is well.
http://youtu.be/YNqo4Un2uZI
Three days later, I found myself driving up to the house of this new family I was about to meet. I talked to God the whole way, and took a deep breath as I rang the doorbell. I was greeted by a nice couple and a sweet little girl with pigtails and a sparkly headband. And then barreling down the hall, was a sweet bald head. From the moment I stepped through the door, I knew that God had placed me here. We began talking, and I asked what kind of cancer the little boy had. Shock and awe poured through me when I heard. He had Rhabdoyosarcoma. The same cancer my cousin Jayne had had. It was a different variety, but none the less, it is the rarest kind of pediatric cancer in the United States. I think that moment confirmed it for both of us.
The next day I had the job. The Lord provided a temporary nanny position for me while I wait for this new one to start. And the past couple of weeks have been so rough, but so good. I've had to come to terms with letting go of something I care deeply about, and embracing a new chapter with just myself and The Lord. I've had to learn that I am truly not in control. I have had to learn that no matter what, there is always someone who needs love, and it is my deepest obligation to be the giver of that love. I have learned that God really does open doors for things that our hearts desires, but many times he has to close other ones. And i've realized that this next year, my life will be devoted to loving for and caring for a spunky little two year old, and a sweet little boy with a battle. Today I met with the family to just go over some things. It was a blast. The mom and I were talking, and she handed me a huge binder. It was daunting. All the things I need to know about little man's cancer. But it didn't intimidate me. A few minutes later, little man comes and stands by me with his game, and I ask if he would like to sit with me. He says yes, and he sat there with me for a good 10 minutes. My heart was so full I could've cried. The weight of the responsibility I was taking on hit me. Not dealing with the cancer in a little boy. But the job to love he and his sister. Their parents. To walk this journey with them in such close corners. What an honor.
The whole time i've been writing this post, i've been listening to the song "It is Well" by Bethel, and I cannot get over how timely it is. For me. For this family. For all the things I can and ever will face. A hard path may seem daunting. But I welcome it with open arms, embracing what's to come because I know more now than I ever have before that I am exactly where I am meant to be. I know this post isn't a super topic, but it is very personal. I pray that it will give you hope to know that through it all, it is well.
Verse 1
Grander earth has quaked before
Moved by the sound of His voice
Seas that are shaken and stirred
Can be calmed and broken for my regard
Grander earth has quaked before
Moved by the sound of His voice
Seas that are shaken and stirred
Can be calmed and broken for my regard
Chorus
Through it all, through it all
My eyes are on You
Through it all, through it all
It is well
Through it all, through it all
My eyes are on You
Through it all, through it all
It is well
Through it all, through it all
My eyes are on You
It is well with me
My eyes are on You
It is well with me
Verse 2
Far be it from me to not believe
Even when my eyes can't see
Far be it from me to not believe
Even when my eyes can't see
And this mountain that's in front of me
Will be thrown into the midst of the sea
Will be thrown into the midst of the sea
Chorus
Through it all, through it all
My eyes are on You
Through it all, through it all
It is well
Through it all, through it all
My eyes are on You
Through it all, through it all
It is well
Bridge x3
So let go my soul and trust in Him
The waves and wind still know His name(repeat last line during 3rd run)
So let go my soul and trust in Him
The waves and wind still know His name(repeat last line during 3rd run)
It is well with my soul
It is well with my soul
It is well with my soul
It is well with my soul
It is well with my soul
It is well with my soul
It is well with my soul
Through it all, through it all
My eyes are on You Lord
Through it all, through it all
It is well with me.
My eyes are on You Lord
Through it all, through it all
It is well with me.
http://youtu.be/YNqo4Un2uZI
Tuesday, September 16, 2014
Not of this world
Technology is both a blessing and a curse. It can be so useful in situations, and at other times the biggest time waster out there. I try to limit my time using it to just purely find fast and dumb entertainment, but every once in a while I find a use for google that is far beyond worth while.
I recently joined a women's bible study at my church. Tonight was our second meeting, and we are studying Beth Moore's "Children of the Day," which is focused on 1st and 2nd Thessalonians. Let me tell you, this study is already amazing. Not only is the study amazing, but the women I have met so far are truly beyond incredible. At 23 ( in 4 days:D ) and 25, my friend Haley and I are the youngest there. We're not even in the same group! But gleaning wisdom from this study and these women is unbelievable.The reason that I brought up this bible study is because in tonight's video teaching, Beth said something that hit me quite hard. " In a world of pretense and platforms, we better be ready to prove ourselves. 'You know what kind of men we proved to be among you for your sake.' (1 Thessalonians 1:5) " The basic context of this statement is that as believers we so often think that if the people around us who are not yet believers choose not to see the goodness of God, then it isn't our responsibility, we don't have to prove that he is. But what Beth is saying is that it IS. We have been called to PROVE it.
Okay Kimberly, focus. Back to google. This past weeks studies of 1 Thessalonians chapter 1 has made me realize that I am so not of this world. I was not made for it. I was placed here for a specific purpose by the Lord God, Creator of all, but this is not where my hope lies. So with that thought in my head, I chose to simply type "I am made for so much more, because I am not of this world." I'm not even quite sure what I expected to find, but I will tell you right now, what I did broke my heart. I stumbled on a blogpost on the website "ExperienceProject." There was a person who wrote how they never felt they were made for this world, they didn't want any part of the cruelty and destruction and somehow there was this deeper, inner desire, LONGING to be a part of something more. They KNEW it in their very soul. What's interesting is that the people who left comments all said the same thing. All these people searching for that something more... but they don't know what it is. Do you know what broke my heart? The fact that not one of them said that Jesus, that heaven that SALVATION was the answer. And that's put on the shoulders of every single one of us who are believers in The Lord Jesus Christ.
You know, I don't believe that our longings and desires are just put at ease once we accept Christ as our Lord. Because I believe that he fills us with longing and desire to accomplish the tasks he has set before us. Such a righteous longing is a beautiful thing. I know I have them, and I am sure you do too. There are moments when I get a sense of longing for the things of this earth... but they so quickly fade when I am once again awestruck by the truth that NOTHING is better than a life that is Christ's. I am filled with so much wonder at the mystery of our Lord. There are no words to describe the sweetness of a life that is His alone. And it is our job to share that love, give the world a taste of it. We are to prove it! John 15:9 says "If you belonged to the world, it would love you as it's own. As it is, you do not belong to the world, BUT I HAVE CHOSEN YOU OUT OF THE WORLD. That is why the world hates you." This verse can both terrify and uplift believers. We have been chosen out of the world, wonderful! But the world hating us? Uh oh. Better avoid THAT. We can just stay in our Christian bubbles and love each other because it's easy. Maybe talk about our faith once in a while with a coworker, or a friend that doesn't know Jesus, but to actually live a life that PROVES the goodness of God? Yet we are charged with it.
I don't want this world. Give me Jesus! But let me also give Jesus to the lost and the broken, the hurting and angry. THAT is the life I want. Not being of this world does not mean that we turn our back on it. It's actually quite opposite. Let's march into battle together and show the world that HE IS GOOD!
I recently joined a women's bible study at my church. Tonight was our second meeting, and we are studying Beth Moore's "Children of the Day," which is focused on 1st and 2nd Thessalonians. Let me tell you, this study is already amazing. Not only is the study amazing, but the women I have met so far are truly beyond incredible. At 23 ( in 4 days:D ) and 25, my friend Haley and I are the youngest there. We're not even in the same group! But gleaning wisdom from this study and these women is unbelievable.The reason that I brought up this bible study is because in tonight's video teaching, Beth said something that hit me quite hard. " In a world of pretense and platforms, we better be ready to prove ourselves. 'You know what kind of men we proved to be among you for your sake.' (1 Thessalonians 1:5) " The basic context of this statement is that as believers we so often think that if the people around us who are not yet believers choose not to see the goodness of God, then it isn't our responsibility, we don't have to prove that he is. But what Beth is saying is that it IS. We have been called to PROVE it.
Okay Kimberly, focus. Back to google. This past weeks studies of 1 Thessalonians chapter 1 has made me realize that I am so not of this world. I was not made for it. I was placed here for a specific purpose by the Lord God, Creator of all, but this is not where my hope lies. So with that thought in my head, I chose to simply type "I am made for so much more, because I am not of this world." I'm not even quite sure what I expected to find, but I will tell you right now, what I did broke my heart. I stumbled on a blogpost on the website "ExperienceProject." There was a person who wrote how they never felt they were made for this world, they didn't want any part of the cruelty and destruction and somehow there was this deeper, inner desire, LONGING to be a part of something more. They KNEW it in their very soul. What's interesting is that the people who left comments all said the same thing. All these people searching for that something more... but they don't know what it is. Do you know what broke my heart? The fact that not one of them said that Jesus, that heaven that SALVATION was the answer. And that's put on the shoulders of every single one of us who are believers in The Lord Jesus Christ.
You know, I don't believe that our longings and desires are just put at ease once we accept Christ as our Lord. Because I believe that he fills us with longing and desire to accomplish the tasks he has set before us. Such a righteous longing is a beautiful thing. I know I have them, and I am sure you do too. There are moments when I get a sense of longing for the things of this earth... but they so quickly fade when I am once again awestruck by the truth that NOTHING is better than a life that is Christ's. I am filled with so much wonder at the mystery of our Lord. There are no words to describe the sweetness of a life that is His alone. And it is our job to share that love, give the world a taste of it. We are to prove it! John 15:9 says "If you belonged to the world, it would love you as it's own. As it is, you do not belong to the world, BUT I HAVE CHOSEN YOU OUT OF THE WORLD. That is why the world hates you." This verse can both terrify and uplift believers. We have been chosen out of the world, wonderful! But the world hating us? Uh oh. Better avoid THAT. We can just stay in our Christian bubbles and love each other because it's easy. Maybe talk about our faith once in a while with a coworker, or a friend that doesn't know Jesus, but to actually live a life that PROVES the goodness of God? Yet we are charged with it.
I don't want this world. Give me Jesus! But let me also give Jesus to the lost and the broken, the hurting and angry. THAT is the life I want. Not being of this world does not mean that we turn our back on it. It's actually quite opposite. Let's march into battle together and show the world that HE IS GOOD!
Saturday, August 9, 2014
God's NOT dead
Wow. I just finished watching the movie "God's not dead" with my family. I had heard that it was a good movie, and as a believer in Jesus Christ, naturally I wanted to see it. Sometimes Christian films make me nervous. They have enough cheese to satisfy anyone's appetite, and quite frankly they miss the mark I think they're trying to hit. Don't get me wrong, I love those films. But I also already have a deep, personal relationship with Christ, so I am likely to be far less judgmental of those films than your everyday person. "God's not dead," however, portrayed real life in a tangible way. It wasn't all sunshine and roses. Jesus didn't just swoop in and save the day. Relationships were lost, work was done, and faith was tested. This isn't going to be a movie review, but I felt I had to preface it with this. I encourage you, whoever you are to see this movie. I don't care if Christ is already your everything, or if you deny Him with everything in you, the movie is a challenge. One I think we should all take. And that's what this blog is going to be about.
As I sat watching this film, so many things were brought to my attention. I'll spare you the details of my thoughts, because to you they are probably uninteresting. This week has been challenging for me. The Lord has really been convicting me of some things I didn't know I needed to be convicted of. Anyone who knows me knows that from the time I was a little girl, I have felt a deep and intense calling on my life. Rest assured I by no means think that my life is greater than anyone else's, but it isn't for not that I have been given a passion for truth and the ability to speak those truths in various ways. Eloquence is nothing but a gift from the Father, and while others may disagree with me, I feel that somehow he's gifted me with it for some reason. A reason bigger than I can comprehend. It excites me to no end. But one of the main challenges I have been up against this week is really very simple. All throughout middle school and high school I was convinced that the plans God had for me would be far beyond my comprehension. I could look anyone in the eye and tell them that I was going to change this world for my Savior. I believed it with everything in me. It wasn't cockiness that drove me to believe that. It wasn't for self-gratification, although that is something I have to battle with daily. Somehow I just knew it. God had spoken it to me and I didn't doubt Him. I wasn't afraid of sharing truth with anyone, really. If you would've told me the day I graduated high school I would be where I am today, I probably would've said you were crazy. Because here is the honest truth... for the past how many ever years, that passionate girl has been gone. Somehow when she became a woman, that passion started to slowly be replaced by other things. Somehow work, money, boyfriends, and sleep became her top priority. Somehow the fear of offending others because of her faith won out. Don't get me wrong, I love my Savior. I still have that passion burning deep inside of me, and in my comfort zone I am still that firecracker for Him. But i'm at a loss trying to figure out where that firecracker went when it actually mattered. I was so challenged by this movie in a few areas. One way is in how I live my life with other Christians. I am good at having healthy debates with people, but there are still times I fail at standing up for what I really know is right, living what I know is right. I hate to say that there are parts of me that have bought into mundane Christianity and it downright disgusts me. Where did the girl who used to dance before the Lord in worship go? Because now she talks about how that's okay to do in your own space, but maybe it's best to not distract others. Or the girl who didn't care about marriage because she knew God would provide the right person in the right time, and now all she can do is worry herself sick with whether her relationship is it or not? It's just beyond me! Don't get me wrong, Jesus is my lifeline, I would be dead without Him. I cannot imagine a life where he wasn't my everything. So the next thing that challenges me, really baffles me. Jesus is my very breath, to deny him, to me, would be like denying the oxygen I need to keep me alive. Since that IS true, why do I deny Him? No, I don't think I have ever directly denied Him before, but I am also a person that hates gray areas. To me if I just skate by in life and not live it fully for Him, that seems like denying Him. I fully believe I wasn't put on this earth for any other reason than to bring glory to my Father, and to share the truth of His love with every single person I come into contact with because I want them to have what I have. Any of you who know God the Father know how glorious it is to be His. When I am in His will and I know it, there is truly nothing better. Living for Jesus is not an obligation, it is the best thing in the world.
I guess it really made me think about my life, the people surrounding it, the ones involved in it. It doesn't matter if they disown me, disregard me, or see me as an insane Jesus freak... my life isn't for them, my life isn't for me. It's for Jesus. Through that His truth and light will shine, and people will come to know Him as their Savior! I want to know that even if I am completely alone when it comes to other people, I have my Jesus by my side. The great thing is though, I was also reminded of the body of Christ that is all around the world. We are NOT alone. This battle has already been won. We are equipped with the blood of Jesus, and we have each other to stand next to in battle. For as bleak as things seem sometimes, the truth is that there are people all around the world fighting the same fight you are. It's not a competition, it's a victory! How great that our God is in the souls of people everywhere. How great that we as the body of Christ get to stand together and reach this world for Him. That is...if we are willing. I guess maybe I need to challenge myself, and maybe you need to challenge yourself too. Mundane, lukewarm Christianity won't do anything to change this world... only passionate, fearless, Christ-centered warriors will. I want to be that person, do you? Our God is not dead. I don't want to be selfish with that knowledge anymore. Who's with me?
As I sat watching this film, so many things were brought to my attention. I'll spare you the details of my thoughts, because to you they are probably uninteresting. This week has been challenging for me. The Lord has really been convicting me of some things I didn't know I needed to be convicted of. Anyone who knows me knows that from the time I was a little girl, I have felt a deep and intense calling on my life. Rest assured I by no means think that my life is greater than anyone else's, but it isn't for not that I have been given a passion for truth and the ability to speak those truths in various ways. Eloquence is nothing but a gift from the Father, and while others may disagree with me, I feel that somehow he's gifted me with it for some reason. A reason bigger than I can comprehend. It excites me to no end. But one of the main challenges I have been up against this week is really very simple. All throughout middle school and high school I was convinced that the plans God had for me would be far beyond my comprehension. I could look anyone in the eye and tell them that I was going to change this world for my Savior. I believed it with everything in me. It wasn't cockiness that drove me to believe that. It wasn't for self-gratification, although that is something I have to battle with daily. Somehow I just knew it. God had spoken it to me and I didn't doubt Him. I wasn't afraid of sharing truth with anyone, really. If you would've told me the day I graduated high school I would be where I am today, I probably would've said you were crazy. Because here is the honest truth... for the past how many ever years, that passionate girl has been gone. Somehow when she became a woman, that passion started to slowly be replaced by other things. Somehow work, money, boyfriends, and sleep became her top priority. Somehow the fear of offending others because of her faith won out. Don't get me wrong, I love my Savior. I still have that passion burning deep inside of me, and in my comfort zone I am still that firecracker for Him. But i'm at a loss trying to figure out where that firecracker went when it actually mattered. I was so challenged by this movie in a few areas. One way is in how I live my life with other Christians. I am good at having healthy debates with people, but there are still times I fail at standing up for what I really know is right, living what I know is right. I hate to say that there are parts of me that have bought into mundane Christianity and it downright disgusts me. Where did the girl who used to dance before the Lord in worship go? Because now she talks about how that's okay to do in your own space, but maybe it's best to not distract others. Or the girl who didn't care about marriage because she knew God would provide the right person in the right time, and now all she can do is worry herself sick with whether her relationship is it or not? It's just beyond me! Don't get me wrong, Jesus is my lifeline, I would be dead without Him. I cannot imagine a life where he wasn't my everything. So the next thing that challenges me, really baffles me. Jesus is my very breath, to deny him, to me, would be like denying the oxygen I need to keep me alive. Since that IS true, why do I deny Him? No, I don't think I have ever directly denied Him before, but I am also a person that hates gray areas. To me if I just skate by in life and not live it fully for Him, that seems like denying Him. I fully believe I wasn't put on this earth for any other reason than to bring glory to my Father, and to share the truth of His love with every single person I come into contact with because I want them to have what I have. Any of you who know God the Father know how glorious it is to be His. When I am in His will and I know it, there is truly nothing better. Living for Jesus is not an obligation, it is the best thing in the world.
I guess it really made me think about my life, the people surrounding it, the ones involved in it. It doesn't matter if they disown me, disregard me, or see me as an insane Jesus freak... my life isn't for them, my life isn't for me. It's for Jesus. Through that His truth and light will shine, and people will come to know Him as their Savior! I want to know that even if I am completely alone when it comes to other people, I have my Jesus by my side. The great thing is though, I was also reminded of the body of Christ that is all around the world. We are NOT alone. This battle has already been won. We are equipped with the blood of Jesus, and we have each other to stand next to in battle. For as bleak as things seem sometimes, the truth is that there are people all around the world fighting the same fight you are. It's not a competition, it's a victory! How great that our God is in the souls of people everywhere. How great that we as the body of Christ get to stand together and reach this world for Him. That is...if we are willing. I guess maybe I need to challenge myself, and maybe you need to challenge yourself too. Mundane, lukewarm Christianity won't do anything to change this world... only passionate, fearless, Christ-centered warriors will. I want to be that person, do you? Our God is not dead. I don't want to be selfish with that knowledge anymore. Who's with me?
Saturday, April 19, 2014
The ultimate sacrifice
Wow. As I sit down to write this, I have a lot of thoughts swirling through my head. A lot of them are good thoughts. Things I should've shared months ago, but I haven't. Time is a funny thing indeed. My last entry was in December. Christmastime. It really doesn't seem that long ago, until I realize I haven't written in a quarter of a year. That's astounding to me. I can use all of the excuses in the book about being too busy, not having things to write about, etc. But the truth is, for whatever reason I have been feeling so insecure about writing things The Lord puts on my heart. And the truth is until very recently, I wasn't sure why. But as I look back on what has occurred in the year 2014 already, I have an answer. This year has been one of the best so far, yet it's been filled with a ton of Spiritual Battles. Not just attack, but full fledged battles. I am in a stage in my life where I am having to fight for righteousness or give into worldliness. And to be honest, I'm so excited about that.
For this whole year I have been plagued with the thoughts of what it means to live righteously for Christ. There are so many types of Christians, that honestly it gets incredibly confusing. You have extremes on both ends of the spectrum. Those who live a very structured Christian life. Have you ever seen the show 19 Kids and Counting? That's the life I'm talking about. A great Christian family who lives a very strict life. People like that have always intrigued me. Probably because I'm so different from them. I think their dedication is truly amazing, but I've come to the conclusion that I could never live like that. I'm far too opinionated and loud. I also really like country music. I find myself admiring them, but then I start to feel bad about myself, and I know that's not from Christ. Then there's the other extreme form of Christianity, where everything goes. Grace is just a get out of jail free card. You can go get drunk every weekend, sleep around, curse, cheat, lie, etc. and God's grace is always there to catch you. I'll be honest, it's hard for me not to judge that lifestyle. I DO believe God's grace is there, but then I also believe that he has called us to live a life worthy of His calling. So then I start to feel superior. And then there's me. I seem to be somewhere smack dab in the middle of all of this, trying to figure out which is "The best Christian way to live." And the funny thing about time, the funny thing about life, is that we're constantly growing, changing, and learning. What I thought about Jesus and my faith 5 years ago, has changed so drastically, even though he remains the same. But I think that's the problem. We as Christians get SO caught up in trying to figure out the best way to present our Christian life to the world, that we forget to really live it. Believe me, I'm right there with you. I worry about how people will view certain things, instead of truly just living them out. Is that not silly? There's a possibility that I am the only one who is this way...but somehow I doubt it.
For the past few years, the week before Easter has been incredibly significant to me. Somehow it feels like Jesus is showing me more and more what his sacrifice actually meant. I went to my Church's Easter play last night, and it again struck me just HOW awesome my Jesus is. Sacrifice isn't just a pretty, fancy word we use to describe what Jesus did. It was an actual, real thing that we so easily forget. I'm often baffled by the fact that he not only came to earth and took on the form of man, died a horrendous painful death that he didn't deserve, battled Satan in hell so that YOU AND I can have eternal life....and we so often throw it back in his face. It brings tears to my eyes just thinking about that. Thinking about the times that I've been more concerned about MY image, than his. And that's what it is, isn't it? We're concerned about how our Christian life will look because it effects US not HIM. And that's when I realized, that the example of how to live the best Christian life was found in the living, breathing, Word of God Himself. There are countless stories of men and women standing for Christ, and bringing his Kingdom to earth. And the coolest part of all of it, is that they were all SO different. It might be astounding, but I never really realized that before. We all have our favorite characters and stories in the Bible. Maybe it's because we resemble them in some way... or maybe it's because we'd like to. Regardless we have an amazing book full of truth, and full of people who all lived their extraordinary lives for Christ. It's pretty amazing! So instead of worrying how we look, we should be thinking about what the truths that each of these people followed are. We have ALL sinned and fallen short of the glory of God. That's a given. His grace covers our sin, absolutely. But what am I doing to live a life worthy of his calling? What are you doing? Are you just doing the minimum amount you think will get you a decent sized crown in Heaven? Or are you truly living sold out and on fire for Him? I don't know about you, but I want to live with reckless abandon for Christ. I want to have no regard for the criticism I may get from being His alone. I know we hear all the time that we have the power to change the world... but when will we actually start believing it? Maybe this is a rant, maybe it's only a personal struggle of mine. But I don't want to just live good enough anymore. Jesus Christ dying on the cross wasn't just good enough. It was the ultimate sacrifice, so that we could live. Why would we not give our ultimate sacrifice back?
I'm starting to pull into the strength of Christ, and let these insecurities of sharing his love and truth go. It saddens me that I've let it plague me for this long. But I'm ready for the battles now, and I'm not backing down. I want to live each precious day on earth like it's the day Jesus is coming back. Unafraid of what people think of me, so long as Christ is always shining through. That's my hearts deepest desire. I can't wait to see the body of Christ rise up and stand boldly once again. Because I know beyond a shadow of a doubt, our sacrifice for our Jesus will be worth it when we're all worshiping in eternity!
For this whole year I have been plagued with the thoughts of what it means to live righteously for Christ. There are so many types of Christians, that honestly it gets incredibly confusing. You have extremes on both ends of the spectrum. Those who live a very structured Christian life. Have you ever seen the show 19 Kids and Counting? That's the life I'm talking about. A great Christian family who lives a very strict life. People like that have always intrigued me. Probably because I'm so different from them. I think their dedication is truly amazing, but I've come to the conclusion that I could never live like that. I'm far too opinionated and loud. I also really like country music. I find myself admiring them, but then I start to feel bad about myself, and I know that's not from Christ. Then there's the other extreme form of Christianity, where everything goes. Grace is just a get out of jail free card. You can go get drunk every weekend, sleep around, curse, cheat, lie, etc. and God's grace is always there to catch you. I'll be honest, it's hard for me not to judge that lifestyle. I DO believe God's grace is there, but then I also believe that he has called us to live a life worthy of His calling. So then I start to feel superior. And then there's me. I seem to be somewhere smack dab in the middle of all of this, trying to figure out which is "The best Christian way to live." And the funny thing about time, the funny thing about life, is that we're constantly growing, changing, and learning. What I thought about Jesus and my faith 5 years ago, has changed so drastically, even though he remains the same. But I think that's the problem. We as Christians get SO caught up in trying to figure out the best way to present our Christian life to the world, that we forget to really live it. Believe me, I'm right there with you. I worry about how people will view certain things, instead of truly just living them out. Is that not silly? There's a possibility that I am the only one who is this way...but somehow I doubt it.
For the past few years, the week before Easter has been incredibly significant to me. Somehow it feels like Jesus is showing me more and more what his sacrifice actually meant. I went to my Church's Easter play last night, and it again struck me just HOW awesome my Jesus is. Sacrifice isn't just a pretty, fancy word we use to describe what Jesus did. It was an actual, real thing that we so easily forget. I'm often baffled by the fact that he not only came to earth and took on the form of man, died a horrendous painful death that he didn't deserve, battled Satan in hell so that YOU AND I can have eternal life....and we so often throw it back in his face. It brings tears to my eyes just thinking about that. Thinking about the times that I've been more concerned about MY image, than his. And that's what it is, isn't it? We're concerned about how our Christian life will look because it effects US not HIM. And that's when I realized, that the example of how to live the best Christian life was found in the living, breathing, Word of God Himself. There are countless stories of men and women standing for Christ, and bringing his Kingdom to earth. And the coolest part of all of it, is that they were all SO different. It might be astounding, but I never really realized that before. We all have our favorite characters and stories in the Bible. Maybe it's because we resemble them in some way... or maybe it's because we'd like to. Regardless we have an amazing book full of truth, and full of people who all lived their extraordinary lives for Christ. It's pretty amazing! So instead of worrying how we look, we should be thinking about what the truths that each of these people followed are. We have ALL sinned and fallen short of the glory of God. That's a given. His grace covers our sin, absolutely. But what am I doing to live a life worthy of his calling? What are you doing? Are you just doing the minimum amount you think will get you a decent sized crown in Heaven? Or are you truly living sold out and on fire for Him? I don't know about you, but I want to live with reckless abandon for Christ. I want to have no regard for the criticism I may get from being His alone. I know we hear all the time that we have the power to change the world... but when will we actually start believing it? Maybe this is a rant, maybe it's only a personal struggle of mine. But I don't want to just live good enough anymore. Jesus Christ dying on the cross wasn't just good enough. It was the ultimate sacrifice, so that we could live. Why would we not give our ultimate sacrifice back?
I'm starting to pull into the strength of Christ, and let these insecurities of sharing his love and truth go. It saddens me that I've let it plague me for this long. But I'm ready for the battles now, and I'm not backing down. I want to live each precious day on earth like it's the day Jesus is coming back. Unafraid of what people think of me, so long as Christ is always shining through. That's my hearts deepest desire. I can't wait to see the body of Christ rise up and stand boldly once again. Because I know beyond a shadow of a doubt, our sacrifice for our Jesus will be worth it when we're all worshiping in eternity!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)