The Curiosity of life

Life certainly is a curious thing. In fact, I'm sure we've all realized this at some point or another. I have been an avid writer since the age of about 12. The other day, I began to read one of my old journals. It was from the fall of my senior year of high school. Such a long time ago. I began to laugh at my 18 year old self, remembering just what it was like to be in that girls shoes. But as I began reading more, I realized so much about that girl that I hadn't ever before. There were things in her life that were silly of course. It was high school afterall. But I began to marvel at this girl who had a heart to figure out what God had for her, what life held for her. I was amazed at how easily she was able to trust. How easily she laughed. She knew some of what life was about. Some difficulties about it had already come upon her. But more than anything, I saw this beautiful, innocent soul that hadn't yet been touched by all that life would throw at her. I began to envy that girl. To be fair, she was about as close to figuring out some things as I am today. But I missed that feeling of trust. I missed the innocence of living in a buble. And I realized just how much i've grown and changed in the years since high school. I realized how much life I had experienced.


Life certainly is a curious thing. Even though we all know that it won't turn out the way we think it will, we still choose to believe that it might. Never would I have imagined being where I am today when I was that girl in her senior year of high school. I never thought I would have to watch the people I love dearly live through things that are nearly unbearable. Having to live nearly unbearable things myself. My heart breaking a thousand times over because it seemed that the impossibilities of life couldn't be beat. If there's one thing i've learned from life...it's that  you simply can't know what happens. It's constantly throwing unexpected things your way. I look and I realize that some of those things are incredible. But I also look and I realize that pain is an inevitable part of this existance. I look back at the time not all too long ago when I lived in a world that was safe. It wasn't without life's hardships, but they were just different. Somehow, becoming an adult means you have to deal with it. No one can deal with it for you. You have to learn to face things head on, knowing that it very well could nearly destroy you.


Life certainly is a curious thing. As i've become an adult, i've realized more and more why dependence on my Savior is so vital. I loved him so blindly when I was younger. Not that there's anything wrong with that. Some days I long for that carefree easy love I used to have with him. But...I can't help but be grateful knowing that I love him now because I realize more now than I ever did then just what his love and sacrifice is about. Well, I don't understand it completly, i'm not sure I ever will...but I realize it more. Because as I grow more, I realize what sacrifice is. I understand what it means to sacrifice more than I ever have before. And the most curious thing, is that I believe as I grow more and more, I will only have to sacrifice more and more. But instead of that making feel hopeless, it fills me with more hope than I could ever imagine.

Life certainly is a curious thing. Dwelling on the past does nothing for our today, nothing for our future. As i've grown, I realize that more and more. I've also realized that there is no way I could do this crazy thing called life if I didn't have my Savior right there with me every step of the way. Because it's true...life is far from easy. In fact, it only keeps getting more difficult. But with those difficulties comes more joy. With each trial comes the ablility to connect with someone who has gone, is going, or will go through the exact same thing. When I was younger, I used to question hardships in my life. I believe I was under this illusion that because I loved Jesus, harm would no longer touch me. If I reached a certain point, I believed everything would be easy from that point on. But the more life throws at me, I now welcome it. Yes, we all wish pain wasn't part of our life...but pain won't be someday. For now, I think that the hard things in life come because when you live your life for Jesus Christ, the fallen world longs to bring you down. But I think the thing i've learned the most in my time here on earth, is that I serve the one who has already overcome. He has overcome. When I remind myself of that, hold onto that, I know that nothing can really touch me. There is so much that is uncertain. There is so much that can and will happen...but my Savior has overcome! Because of that I KNOW I can overcome too, because it's already been defeated.

Life certainly is a curious thing. It twists and turns and is nothing but uncertain. But certainty can be found in one thing alone. God sent his son. He died for mankind. He overcame the grave. He overcame hardship. He overcame sin. And he is the only one that is there through every step of every moment.

Amaris Ruth

Yesterday my beautiful sister in law, brother, and niece Petra welcomed new baby girl Amaris Ruth into their family. And from the moment I heard she was here while sitting in the hospital cafeteria, my mind has been able to focus on nothing else but that sweet little bundle.

The birth of children has always captivated me. I don't know if you've ever gotten to experience the first moments of a new life, but they will forever change you. Because there is nothing else like it in the world. The miracle that a new life was one moment not yet in the world, and the next making a grand entrance into the world for however long God gives, is truly remarkable. A moment like that can't help but being overwhelming. In the best possible way.

Yesterday around 1:50 in the afternoon, this precious new life was born. Around 2:10 I stood outside the door hearing her precious new cry for the very first time and my heart swelled. I entered the room i'd been in earlier that day, but something was new. She was! My smile beamed light as I saw my amazing sister in law holding her new sweet love. My brother had that distinct look of a proud new dad. And my sweet little niece Petra was asleep, still unaware that her baby sister was here! I got to see my brother hold her for the first time, and the love in his eyes, the promise to protect her and love her no matter what. I got to see my parents take turns holding their new grandbaby, proud to have another healthy beautiful addition to their name. My sister was next, mesmerized by her. And then came my turn. I love new born babies, they are so cuddly and squishy and sweet as can be. My sister placed Amaris in my arms, and I was overwhelmed with a feeling and emotion i'd only felt one other time nearly three years ago when her big sister was born.


I began whispering to my new niece how beautiful she was, how much I loved her, how special she was. And then my eyes began to tear as I told her what a wonderful life she had ahead of her, and that God had incredible plans for her. That's part of what makes a brand new baby so special. You see this tiny, totally dependent person, and even though you can't imagine what might possibly happen, you begin to wonder about all the things their life will hold. You know there will be good and bad. Your heart rejoices knowing the good will be amazing, and you feel a fierce sense of protection not wanting that perfect little person to ever know anything but good things. Yet somehow, looking into the face of my little angel, I knew that this little one is destined for greatness.

I am a strong believer in the meaning of names. In Biblical days, a persons name meant just about everything. It wasn't about what sounded good to the parents, but what it MEANT. I believe names hold great power.

Amaris:Of Hebrew origin meaning "fulfilling God's promise".

Ruth: Of Hebrew origin meaning " Friend", "Compassion."

Weathers:English: patronymic from Weather, from Middle English wether ‘wether’, ‘(castrated) ram’ (Old English weðer), hence a nickname for a man supposedly resembling a wether, or a metonymic occupational name for a shepherd.

What a big blessing of a name! I believe this little one is a fulfillment of God's promise, I believe throughout her life she will fulfill God's promise. I believe this sweet baby will be a compassionate friend. And as for a shepherd, I think it's safe to say that a shepherd was a humble servant. 

To my sweet Amaris Ruth,
You have stolen my heart little one.When I hold you in my arms and look into your sweet face, I see the goodness of God, his truth and beauty all bundled up in YOU. I am so amazed and awed that I get to be your Auntie. I can't wait for the days in the future we'll share together. All of our adventures, our laughs, and giggles. I promise to love you no matter what, and be there for you in the hard times. I pray that you always remember that your family will always be here for you. I promise to stand behind your incredible parents when it comes to how they raise you. Believe it or not sweet one, they will do all they do because they love you with all they are. I promise to  pray for you and give you advice only an Auntie can. Sweet Amaris, I pray a fierce jealousy of the Lord over you. He is jealous for you. I pray that you choose him in all you do. I pray as you grow and learn that you turn to him, always. Sweet one, know that no matter who you are, who you become, you have people who love you. Know that when all else fails, God loves you, and he will never leave you. He thought you out from the beginning of the world little one, and he chose you for his specific purpose. There is so much in store for you, I cannot WAIT to see what it is. I am honored and truly blessed to be a part of your family. I can't wait to bring you cousins to play and grow up with. You're part of a pretty cool legacy little lady! You and your sister are my girls, and I don't think I could EVER get into words how much I love the both of you! I cannot wait to see your lives unfold. All my love sweet one, now and always. Auntie Bug

The twisting, turning, wonderful journey

My life has been so busy lately. There has been so much that sometimes I forget to just step back and breathe. It's so hard to remember that really, I have nothing to worry about because deep down I KNOW who holds my life, my future, and my day to day. But there's something that's been on my mind these past crazy months. Something that if I begin to think too much about both terrifies and excites me.

I feel as though there is a giant fan of choices displayed in front of me, and I have to choice to pick a part of that fan and run with it. All these beginning scenarios are presented before me, and I can see the starts of amazing adventures. But that's just it, it's the beginning. No middle, no end guaranteed. Each option seems chalk full of surprises. Of course, I know there will be hard times with any option I choose, but me being me, I can't help but try to figure out what each option will produce. I find myself so afraid of making the wrong choice that I begin to panic. Because I truly believe that at any moment, any choice I make can be life-changing. It's crazy to think that if I chose one thing differently, I wouldn't be where I am today. Wow. But the thing that is providing so much peace, is stopping and remembering that I do not hold my future. Someone so much greater does.

I am also beginning to recognize that I have so much to work on. No matter what path I choose, there are things that are vital  for me to have to be successful in life. I recognize the fact that I have to grow in confidence and security of who I am. This may seem easy, but oh believe me, it isn't. There are parts of me that I know for sure, and parts yet to be discovered. I suppose we're always growing and changing, but I hope that at some point, I can be confident in my thoughts and ideas. I want to not be afraid of standing up for them, and not afraid of offending someone. I want to be able to live differently with confidence, not cowardice. I want to be confident in knowing that no matter what, my security is in my Savior, not in my circumstance. It could be wishful thinking, but I don't think it's impossible. Obviously I won't feel that every moment of every day, but I do hope that I can reach a point of security in knowing who I belong to, and knowing that it's enough.

So back to my fan of options. I've realized that it doesn't really matter which piece of the fan I choose. Yes, there are incredible adventures i'll miss. But that is only because i'll be experiencing other ones. If the life of Kimberly Weathers was stuck in stone, it would be terribly boring. Though the unknown kind of freaks me out, I am excited for it. I'm excited to pick different things and see the result. And the bottom line is this, wherever I am tomorrow or ten years from now, my life will be defined and centered on one thing. My Savior. And I think that's enough. I think instead of worrying about WHAT will happen, I need to remember WHO is with me when it's happening. Because of that, no matter where I am, my life will be where it's supposed to be. I firmly believe that if your heart is seeking the Lord, you will be on his right path for your life. It doesn't mean there won't be bumps and bruises, but it does mean that God will use you wherever you are if you're willing. Whew. That's a relief!

I find it so funny how I usually write things that millions of people have discovered before me. But hey, i'm glad that I finally get what everyone talks about. Hopefully you reach these wonderful places too.

My Grace is sufficient

This morning I was reading my daily devotional, and I couldn't do anything but sit and let the truth of what it was saying wash over me. It was talking about grace. This is something that we as believers in Christ know "much" about. We talk about grace almost daily. When someone is enduring a hardship we say things like "God will give you the grace to endure." Or we'll say things like "May his grace and peace go with you." Saying those things isn't bad. In fact, they are beautiful and powerful. But I wonder if when we speak of grace, we really grasp what we're saying. Do we really take the time to think of what grace is? What grace actually means? I will be the first to admit, I do not. In fact, I many times only allow myself to experience the cheap sense of grace, because really true grace hurts. You may be wondering why I said that, or you may think i'm crazy. Let me explain a little bit. In my devotional this morning, it was talking about how many times we as believers think that we need to "earn" grace. Meaning we try to live our lives as perfectly as we can, only letting God help us when we think we deserve it. But the interesting thing is that when we believe we've "earned" it, it's really not grace. It's a reward, not an undeserved gift. That struck me so deeply because I know that I absolutely do that. I am always striving to better myself thinking it will make God love me more. Thinking that the few times I have "blunders," i'm covered because i've "earned" that grace.


I was talking with a friend a few nights ago, and we were talking about how it is so hard to try and live up to expectations. Whether those be expectations we put on ourselves or ones put on us by other people. We talked about how it's so easy to constantly compare ourselves to other people thinking that they have everything together, while we don't really have any of it together. We talked about some different things we've gone through and I began to think about something. The irony of our conversation was that it doesn't matter who you talked to, if everyone was being honest, they would admit that something in their life wasn't together. We are, afterall fallen. But what struck me more about our conversation was this. The hardships and imperfections that we face aren't in vain. They hurt to endure, and most of the time we would never wish to relive them. But I began to realize that those times in my life that were the most painful, are probably the only times I have ever allowed true grace into my life. Think again about WHAT grace is...it's a free gift that's undeserved. It HURTS to recieve it. In all honesty, none of us do anything to really deserve it...but we only allow ourselves to feel it when we have no where else to turn. I am realizing more and more that I am a person with tremendous faults. And while I think it IS important to try and live my life honoring God, and serving him, I think it's also important to truly remember that there isn't a single thing I can say or do to deserve his unfailing love and grace. So I guess I would just like to encourage everyone to try and stop striving for perfection. Instead, maybe realize that in this life we are going to make mistakes. That's inevitable. But truly allow yourself to experience the grace of our incredible Savior. Maybe then, when we say things like "His grace is sufficient for you," we might actually believe what we're saying. John 16:33 "I have told you these things so that you may have peace.In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world."

Trust

I never get over how life is constantly teaching me new things. Rather, I can never get over how Jesus Christ teaches me new things through this life. Over the past few weeks, i've been faced with thoughts and ideas that all string together. This has made me come to a conclusion, that is really a beginning to the unveiling of a new truth. I don't think I could ever reach the full conclusion, nor would I ever want to. The mystery of life, love, and ultimately salvation, would be immensely disatisfying if we had all the answers. Yet I always find myself longing to have the answers anyway. I am so terrified that if I choose one thing, I could mess up everything else in my life. I hate living in that kind of fear. And deep down I know that I have nothing to fear because it was overcome by my Savior. And while I try to analyzie and figure out every possible obstacle in my life (whether I had no choice in it, or I created the obstacle myself), I still come to the conclusion that I would choose mystery over knowledge. That's the most exciting thing about serving Jesus, is that you never know what will happen next.

Sometimes I feel as though I get overly concerned about the timing of things in my life. It's like i've formed this giant time table of when things shold happeen, or when i'll reach a certain goal in discovering something about myself. Gosh, if my time table was right even once, I think life may be a little boring! But it always seems so hard to truly live in each moment. I tend to imagine what the future might be like, not stopping to remember that today is the future i'd always dreamed about.

Worry does nothing but create chaos. Whether it be in your heart, mind, or on the outside. I've not seen a single situation where worry benefits anybody. Belive me, I would know. Because I over-analyze absolutely everything, I find myself worrying about scenarios that don't actually exist. Just the "what if's." It drives me absolutely insane! And while I learn and grow from each of my freak outs, i've realized something so much bigger. Every time I worry, or stress over something, it gives me the opportunity to trust God a little bit more. I may not always understand, in fact, most of the time I don't. But if I start puting my hope in the Lord everytime i'm tempted to worry, not only will that fear subside, but I will grow deeper in my trust for my Savior. And isn't that what I should want? I've found that all the worry and the stress of the world will never go away. We wouldn't live on earth if that were the case. But I am truly starting to realize that it's who we look to in the stress that determines the outcome. Everyday people give us advice, their opionions, and thoughts on what they think is going to happen in your life. All of that added on to what you think creates tidal waves of craziness. But when I look to the Lord, everything else seems insignificant. I realize that he is the only thing that is ever constant. So yeah, I have decesions to make, and it's my job to be wise in the choices I make...but at the end of it all, if I am serving the One true God, my life will be beautiful. It might not ever seem like it to me, but he has promised it. Romans 8:28

Someone elses reality

This evening, my family and I decided to rent a movie. This isn't such an abnormal thing. My mom and I decided that the movie "Drive" sounded interesting. We got home, ate dinner and started the movie. It started out slow, and I figured it would be just another boring movie. But the more time we spent watching the movie, the more my spirit became uneasy. It was so consumed with darkness, I couldn't help feeling overwhelmed and physically sick. I'm not a fan of blood and gore, but especially when it's just surrounded in darkness. The movie was about a man who was the get away driver for people who robbed different places...that in and of itself wasn't what made me sick. The movie took a turn when it showed the disturbing life of the mob.

I went up to my room after the movie and turned on worship music. I prayed for the Lord to fill my mind and thoughts with peace, and his goodness. He did and it was amazing. I was sitting trying to read a novel, but couldn't concentrate. I decided I would go to bed. I began to pray. Last night I had the opportunity to hear a woman speak at my church. If one thing stuck out to me last night,  it was the fact that we as Christians so many times pray only for the goodness in life. We thank God for his blessings, ask for more blessings, maybe give him glory...but we don't often pray for the stuff that's hard. During worship last night, we sang "Break Every Chain." The song has been stuck in my head all day. And as I was laying down, trying to fall asleep, I was listening to it on repeat. I then began to pray for the people who lived the reality of the film I had just seen. Because wheather or not we like to face it, it is something that is truly a reality. The more I began to pray, the more the Lord brought me to one scene. It was in an underground club, and there were tons of women...they really had no significance in the movie. In fact, in the scene they were just a backdrop. But my heart got so moved to these women. I couldn't help but start interceeding for them. I then reached a point in my prayer where I felt like I needed to use a practice I learned in YWAM. There are people all over the world who have such un-berable strongholds in their lives, who need prayer like you wouldn't believe. And WE as believers can interceed for these people! We may never meet them, know where they are, or what will happen, but we can pray for them. I asked the Lord to give me a specific name of a woman here in Colorado who is facing these horrible realities. A picture of a young blonde with pink streaks cut to about her chin came to my mind. And also a name. Hanna (pronounced Haw-na). And also another. A dark long, slightly curly haired young woman named Ellise. Both had dark brown eyes. Anyway, I began to pray for these woman. I don't know if they were metephorical, or if these women actually exist. But my heart was so overwhelmed for them. Tears came to my eyes, as I started getting realizations about their lives. Their realities. I was overwhelmed with the knowledge that while I get to wake up every morning, read my Bible, see incredible friends, and family, all of whom love me, these women don't even have the slightest clue what true love looks like. Their reality is literally hell on earth. My heart broke...it's still breaking. I couldn't fall asleep. I got out of bed and found my mom. I asked her to join me in praying for these women. These women who's lives I can't even imagine living. Those of you reading this, like me are blessed beyond anything by the fact that we get to know the love of people, the love of our incredible Savior...and if you are at all like me, your reality doesn't consist of a broken heart and life in which you can see no end.

I know this blog is far different that the ones I usually write. This subject has always been a very tender one for me. But I beg of you, please, interceed for these broken women. Our Lord has given us SO  much power through prayer. I know it's so hard to find a way to get involved. Where would we even start? I know that is so many of our thoughts...mine included. But brothers and sisters, the power of prayer is INCREDIBLE! It DOES make a difference! I would ask if you are reading this, PLEASE lift up your voices to the Lord! We already have victory! Christ overcame when he died on the cross! We just have to embrace it and declare it! Declare light over darkness! Declare freedom, chains broken! Declare that the light is so bright and blinding that nothing but Christ's love and healing can be seen! Please, I urge you, pray for justice...this entry is more of a call for us as believers to come together and bring light to an issue that breaks the Lord's heart. Pray that true love WILL be something they experience. Pray that they know no matter where they are, what they've done, what they've seen, what's been done to them, that the Creator of the Heavens is the Creator of THEM and he loves them! He sees them as beautiful and whole. Pure and precious. Pray that one day freedom comes. Pray that they know true love. The love of the one and only Savior. Thank you for reading!

My Audience of one

Today is a day that can only be described as indescribable. I feel as though God has made it just for me. It's cloudy and rainy, my perfect sort of weather. I don't know, the mystery and beauty of an overcast day has always drawn me closer to him. In the last 24 hours I have felt his presence and his overwhelming greatness in a way that I haven't felt in an extremely long time. Maybe, not ever. And as I sit and reflect on all that he has done, tears are brought full force to my eyes. His love for me is the most overwhelming feeling I could ever know. But I am simply at a loss for words. I love when that happens. I love words, and I love when I am so overtaken with all that my Savior is and has done, that I can't even begin to find one that describes it. I long to feel and be in worship and praise of him every second of every day, just as I am now. It breaks my heart to know that instead of growing in this amazing thing going on right now, I choose to be selfish most times and live for myself. How ironic that when we praise our Savior the way he deserves, we end up feeling amazing as well? What an amazing gift! As if we were deserving of more gifts that the gift he gave by bringing salvation...wow. I can't help but use the world overwhelmed...it is really and truly the only word that comes to mind right now. Why does he bless me so much?!? I am SO undeserving! What love! Even when I ignore, spit in his face, live this precious life for myself, he still is so in love with me. Not only that, but he chooses to keep giving blessing. Why would I want anything else? There is a song that has been stuck in my heart today. The Middle School students that I work with led this song in our worship session today. The words capture just the tiniest bit of what is going on in my heart. I pray that as I try to live these things out, the Father consumes every bit of who I am. I want nothing else. I pray that I can only have the strenght and humility to make sure I allow the Lord to use me in every possible way so that every person on this earth might get to experience this indescribable love!

I come on my knees
To lay down before you
Bringing all that I am
Longing only to know you
Seeking your face
And not only your hand
I find you embracing me
Just as I am

And I lift these songs
To you and you alone
As I sing to you
In my praises make your home

Chorus:
To my audience of one
You are Father, and you are Son
As your spirit flows free,
Let it find within me
A heart that beats to praise you.
And now just to know you more
Has become my great reward
To see your kingdom come
And your will be done
I only desire to be yours,
Lord

So what could I bring
To honor your majesty
What song could I sing
That would move the heart of royalty
And all that I have
Is the life that you’ve given me
So Lord let me live for you
My song with humility

And Lord as the love song
Of my life is played
I have one desire
To bring glory to your name

CHORUS

And we lift these songs
To you and you alone
As we sing to you
In our praises make your home

The true commitment

As I was out this morning excercising, I met the sweetest old couple. They looked to be in their eighties, and were walking around the park together. He had a walker, and she was a lot quicker. Yet you could tell that after what was i'm sure years of marriage, they were still best friends. We made pleasent conversation, and each time I passed them, I began to wonder about their story. Marriage has been on my mind a lot lately. It's not that i've been caught up dreaming about my own marriage...it's more been that I keep seeing stories of the commitment of marriage, and what a beautiful thing it is. I was wondering about this elderly couple's story, and thinking ' I am fairly certain that they have endured things that would break a lot of marriages up these days.' And that truly saddened me. Now, I don't know if that thought had any truth to it, however, I do know that any person who has lived has had to endure hardship of some form or another. The difference, is that people not that long ago were a whole lot more willing to be selfless and endure something, than be selfish while enduring something. I am also in the middle of reading "The Vow," By Kim and Krikket Carpenter. Their story inspired the film that just came out, however, the true story is quite different. I don't want to spoil the book, and I highly reccomend it to anyone, but there was one constant thing that stuck out to me through the whole thing. The circumstances that this couple had to endure were unimaginable. After just 10 weeks of marriage, everything they knew was ripped apart. Though the process was long, painful, hurtful, and nearly unbearable, they both recognized the fact that God had brought them together, they had made a commitment for better or for worse, and no matter what happened, they were going to stick by those vows. I pray that I never know anyone who has to go through something like that, yet I wish more people would pay attention. The reasons people get divorced these days are utterly ridiculous compared to something like that! If those two people could honor their commitment after something so horrible, then why can't people seem to work out minor issues these days? I, like any other woman have longed for marriage and a husband. And i'm not certain, but I think I have a different outlook on it than most people in my generation. What a beautiful gift, to let someone in so close to you that you build your life with them. What a beautiful thing to have someone by your side to help you through the hard times. What a beautiful thing to get to give of yourself more than you thought you could, even when it's utterly painful. Believe me, I can be just as selfish as anyone else, but every single time I choose to give rather than recieve, I end up feeling better. Odd how that works out. Marriage is most definetly a give and take, but if i'm not giving 100% someday,I don't think my marriage will be as successful as it could be. People say marriage is 50/50, but I want to give all of me, not just 50% of me. I think people in my generation are also disillusioned into thinking that just because their single right now, means that what they do doesn't effect their future marriage. I don't know when i'll get married, but I do know that I am called to honor my husband even now. I am called to save myself for him physically, spiritually, and emotionally. I am called to pray for him. I would hope that if my husband saw me interacting with another man today, he would know that my heart was and always will be his. I've always said, and truly believed that no matter what may come to be in my married life, I will fight with absolutely everything in me to get through and cherish my marriage.People say it's impossible these days to see long, happy, lasting marriages. And it may be presumptious to say so, but I will have one of those. That's what God intented. No, he doesn't promise a fairytale, but then, I wouldn't want that either. I'm sure that part of why that old couple remained best friends, was becuase with each hardship they encountered they relyed on eachother, and grew deeper together. How awesome is that? Life is going to be extremely difficult no matter what, why not share those burdens with someone else? Why not have the joy of a life long best friend, who you can look back on the years with, and know that your commitment, was the best decesion you ever made? Whether you're married, single, engaged, dating, I hope that when you think about your marriage, you don't get caught up in the fantasy. I hope that you remeber that each step you take with that person is a gift, and how blessed you are to have it. And I pray that one day, you can be an old person, out with your spouse, and a young person will see you, and wonder how your love is so beautiful.

The Challenge

I was sitting yesterday, with the sweet little two year old I nanny. We were having a good day. Normal. Nothing about it was extraorinary. All of a sudden the door bell to her house rings. I reluctantly get up to see who it is. I opened the door to two elderly women who I vaguely recognize. The woman closest to me states, "Hello Kimberly! How are you? How's Lauren doing?" (Lauren is the two year old I watch.) I smile as Lauren comes toddling up to me, still in her jammies. The women at the door are Jehovah's witnesses. We have a nice little chat, and they speak to me about what they believe is truth. I speak about what I believe is truth. It was a pleasent exchange, nothing of great debate. But as conversation ended, and these two elderly ladies made their way in the cold, my heart began to break. I found myself literally sick to my stomach. I began praying, and crying out to the Lord. I have never been a person who is good at condemning other people to hell. I don't think that's my job. But it broke my heart that these two, sweet women, were lost for truth. Religions like this always tear me apart. This is because they're almost there. They've almost got it. They believe in Jesus...only that he's God's son, not God almighty or part of the trinity. They believe in Heaven...only the vast majority of them when dead will be waiting until God decideds to put them in a seperate heaven, not heaven, heaven. There are so many other things they believe that are almost truth, yet somehow, got mixed up. On the other hand, they believe that God called human beings to love one another, and that a life without love is meaningless. That was our whole discussion yesterday, 1 corinthians 13. Love. And I will tell you right now, these women are full of love. Not only that, they are so devoted to what they believe, they were willing to set out in the cold to make sure people heard what they believe with everything in them, is truth. Yes, my heart was aching. Yes, it surely broke. I nearly cried from the pain I was feeling. All I know is that i'm certainly glad i'm not the ultimate judge. It pains me to say and truly believe...I think they're wrong. And i'm sure it pains them to think that i'm wrong. But while I was crying out for the Lord, asking what I should be interceeding for, I was hit by a brick wall with a challenge. They very well may be wrong in what they believe, but it seems like they are far more devoted to sharing what they believe than I am. I sometimes shrivel up like a flower if I feel my faith won't be welcomed somewhere. I hadn't a slightest rememberance of the womens names who came to the door, yet they not only remembered my name, but the child's name, and that I was the nanny. I wonder, how many houses/ people do they meet and remember? You can tell their Bibles are precious to them. And while I think they interpurate somethings incorrectly, they really study the word. I read my Bible, meditate, but far too often I don't treasure the word of God as I should. I'm not saying that I need to go door to door to profess what I believe. I'm not even saying that I need to announce it wherever I go. But I certainly think that I need to make sure people know something is different about me. I need to not give way to fear because I have the living, victorious, creator of all things living WITHIN ME. Fear shouldn't even be part of my vocabulary unless it's referring to me being in fear of my creator. So in conclusion, I just want to say that maybe I am the only believer who feels this way sometimes. Maybe everyone else reading this is doing far better in this area. But please take these words as encouragment. And whether you disagree with someone or not, remember to love them. That's exactly what Jesus did. That's exactly what he called us to do. And hopefully, by loving the world, they will see truth.

I am beautiful, and so are you.

I have recently come to the realization that I am beautiful, and so is everyone else. This may come as a shock, but it was really, truly, something I simply didn't believe. Well, I take that back, I found it far easier to see the beauty in others, than the beauty within myself. But that turned into an unhealthy obsession. I would obsess with the beauty of other people, compare, and in turn cut myself down. I know i'm not the only one who has sturggled with this, nor am I the only one to overcome. But I am so glad that my Savior has broke the chains and brought me freedom.

My definition of beauty is this= the uniqueness of an individual that sets them apart from anyone else.

The fact of the matter is, not ever in the history of the entire world will there ever be another human being just like you. While you may resemble another person, or have similar personality traits, you are you. That is it, that is all. Trying to even comprehend that before you came around there was no you, and long after you're gone, there will never be another you is near impossible. If that doesn't make you feel beautiful, I don't know what could. Or maybe this will. Have you ever thought about the fact that YOU are a piece of our incredible God in human form. The Bible states that we are made in his image, if that is true, and the Bible is truth, then YOU are a reflection of God. How could that not be beautiful? And how sad that we are taught or influenced to compare ourselves to other people, whether that be through status, success, looks, etc. Because no matter who you are or where you're from, your beauty is astounding. Instead of trying to alter the unique things about you, why not embrace them? Instead of trying to alter your body into what is "perfect," why not realize that the only thing that ever attained that was Jesus Christ himself. Isnted of feeling inadequite, know that you serve the creator of the stars, and if he is alive in you, you can overcome anything. I for one, am done believing the lies i've been told. I am more than enough, because I have Jesus in me. Think about the beauty of a new born baby. They are precious, perfect. A babies parents are always bragging about their beauty. They're always talking about what their baby does. They're so in awe with the life they brouht into existance. They dwell in the goodness, not the flaws. Do you realize that that is how our Savior looks upon us? He doesn't think that you're anything but wonderful. He created you. You have probably heard this a thousand times, and will probably continue hearing it for the rest of your life. But the thing we need to remember more than anything else, is to believe it.

Now that it's almost been a year...

There's the old cliche saying "Time flies." While i've found that this, like most cliche's is true, I think it leaves something out. I think it might be more accurate to say something like "Time flies, but things change more than you ever thought possible." To me that would be the ultimate truth in my life. But then again, maybe that's it, maybe this is only reconcieable with my life.

As I sit here reflecting on where I was this time a year ago, i'm in actual awe of how much things have changed. I'm blown away by how different circumstances are. How different I am. How I never could've imagined that I would be in the place I am today. Because what I thought, and from the way things seemed to be going, where I am now isn't even in the same hemisphere.I'm always amazed that when you reach a point in life where you really can't imagine things going better, God grabs ahold of you and your entire world and shakes everything up. Suddenly you're flying upside down in a spiral with no sight of the end and you don't have any idea of what's going to happen next. I never would've thought that a year ago i'd be having the thoughts I am. I couldn't have imagined reflecting on the year I just lived, the hardest year of my life, and saying that I am truly grateful for every moment. A year ago, I was anticipating so much. I suppose I was cheating in the sense that I knew this past year was going to be eventful, life changing, the most important year of my life. Granted, this was only becuase a year ago, I was getting ready to do some amazing things that I had only dreamed about forever. However, even though I knew it would be the most eventful year of my life to date, I didn't think it would be anything like it was. I think back to how nervous I was at this time a year ago, I was so unsure and dependent on things that I shouldn't have been dependent on. I was so sure I knew who I was, and what life probably held for me. Little did I know, that everything I thought I knew was about to change completly. This year has been the hardest, most challenging, difficult, hurtful year i've ever lived. I never thought I would go through heartbreak and not only live through it, but learn from it. I never thought that I would reach such a place of self-loathing and rock bottom, and have to cry out with everything I am to my Savior. I never thought that absolutely everything I ever believed would be questioned, and that I would truly have to fight for truth. I never thought I would meet the people I did, experience the things I have, and find a deep love and compassion for mankind. I never would've tought that I would go from being sure of who I was, to having everything change, to having to piece together who I was, who I am now, and who I am going to be. And while i'm not through the fire completly yet, I see the end of this chapter coming near. It's completly ironic actually, that it has almost been a year. I'm hoping that this new year brings the joy that i've felt i've lost, the peace that I long to bask in, and the ability to trust in love again. Through it all, there has been one thing that has remained the same. My Savior has never let me go. I'm not sure what this coming year, or the years after this one hold. I don't know if anything i'm anticipating will actually happen, but I do know this, I serve the creator of absolutely everything. I am so miniscule in the grand scheme of everything, yet he treasures my life and my world. He holds it all, and everything that happens is part of his bigger plan. So wherever I am a year from now, reflecting on what happened in this year, I know that no matter whatever challenges, whatever victories, whatever happens my Savior is crafting each second. And that whatever I think should be, is nothing compared to what he knows should be.

Success

I've beeen pondering the definition of success lately. There are all the typical answers, financial, being a good person, living life to the fullest. And while those are all valid answers, I find myself knowing there is so much more to the word. More than I could probably ever understand.

The other day I was driving around Cherry Creek with my niece. When we were stopped at a red light, I glanced to my right and saw a homeless girl sitting on a street corner. My heart broke for her. I wondered what her story was, I wondered where she'd come from and what events had occured in her life to get her to the place she was. A smile found it's way to my lips when I saw a gentelman come up and give her two bags of groceries. He then began talking to the woman. She looked to be no more than twenty five years old. In the world's eyes, she had nothing to call successful. But I realized that that simply wasn't the case. I may not know what the successes in her life might be, but by simply being alive, a human, she was a success. God didn't see her as less than, he loves her as much as he loves you and me. If that's not success, I'm not sure what is. And I realized that I find myself striving to be successful in ways that really don't matter, when I should just be enveloped in the realization that I am a success because I belong to Jesus Christ. There are things I want to do in my life, just like everyone else I'm sure. I want to succeed and do well at the goals i've set in front of me. But all of those are nothing if i'm not successful where it really matters. Again, I know i'm not the first person to have these thoughts, but if my life is only filled with myself it's not a success at all. I would rather put aside my goals and aspirations if that means I get to love on people and show them Christ with every moment I'm in existance. I want to strive to smile more, strike up conversation more, compliment more. I want to be one of those people who asks someone how they are and really get a true answer. I think that's what James 2:26 means, "Faith without deeds is dead." I would rather live a life of serving others than, having a life served to me. That's maybe the surface of what being a true success of a person is. I want to be one of those people who sees someone who might be entirely different than me, and talk to them. I want to live a life where I'm not afraid to love people. I am grateful for the fact that the majority of people are different than me. Each and every person we encounter is a different piece of our incredible God. Why would I want to do anything else but love them? By simply talking to someone, we get to know a new characteristic of our Savior. Success may be many different things, but I think the biggest definition of success, is love.

If you're reading this, it's not by chance...

I am new to the blogging world. In fact, I think I may have only read a total of ten blogs in my entire life. It's never really been something I've thought of doing even though I love to write. I'm more of a pen and page type of girl. But the reason I decided to start writing a blog, is for no other reason than the fact that my dad asked me to. He is leaving for Afghanistan in a couple of weeks, and it's something he can keep up with. He may be the only person who reads this, and if that's the case, it's completly fine. However, if you're not my father and are reading this, I hope you enjoy.

So, there's something that's been on my mind for the past couple of months. I'm not naive in thinking that i'm the first or only person to have this thought. In fact, I know i'm not. However, it is something that has been eating up quite a lot of my thought process. The thought is simple, really, until it becomes complicated. See i've been thinking about how every person you encounter in your life, comes in for one reason or another. There is often times absolutely no significance to their apperance, yet it is there all the same. Out of the billions of people in the world, there are very few that ever enter yours. There will always be people you had no idea existed, just as they in turn will have no idea you exsist. So why are the ones that come into your life there? People can enter your life in something as simple as a smile at a supermarket. It's a simple gesture, more than likely never thought of again. Smiling at that person has no significance, or it could have all the significance in the world. You may never know what that smile did. And odds are, you will never see that person again. They entered your life for a brief moment, for a reason you may never know. But what about the people that are significant? The people that enter our lives for bigger periods of time? We all have them. Family, friends, significant others, etc. These people are the ones who get to see deeper parts of who we are. They are people we share our lives, secrets, and dreams with. But here is what I find odd about these people. Most of them won't be in that place of intamacy with us forever. At the time in your life they enter, there is obviously a reason for it. But what about when life moves on? It boggles me that someone can be so close to you, maybe even know everything about you, but one day not know you at all. It also amazes me that while at one point in your life you can't imagine living without a certain person, at another point you can't imagine how you thought that you could. Except for a select few, most people that were or are in our lives today, won't be in ten years time, fifteen years time, whatever you want to say. So why do we enter each others worlds in the first place? To me, the answer is simple in all it's complexity. I believe that we were placed on this earth to share companionship, love, experiences. I believe that's how God created us. He has put us exactly where we are for his exact purpose. The people that surround that purpose aren't there for no reason. I believe that he sent his son to die for my sin so that I could be redeemed. Because I believe that, I also believe that it's my duty to show that love to everyone I encounter. Everyone. So whether you're a person I smile at in a supermarket, or whether you're my closest confidant, or whether you're reading this blog and i'll never meet you, it's not just by chance.And while I've not even come close to scratching the surface of this thought, I also know that it confirms the idea that we are all here for a unique purpose. Though the world doesn't center itself around one person, it would be a far different place if you were not in it. Just food for thought...